You know marriage is probably a terrible call when it’s unclear which party is actually making the worse life decision. Spencer Pratt willingly walked down the aisle with a stupid, conniving, irresponsible, off-key bitch. Heidi Montag just wed a bumbling, wannabe alpha male with the worst facial hair this side of former Presidential Candidate Al Gore. Everyone loses--except those perennial pessimists who delight in the failure of others. Gather round and join me, fellow haters. We’re not going to have to wait out this marriage very long.

According to US Weekly, the impromptu ceremony took place over the weekend in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with Heidi’s mother none the wiser. Montag reportedly phoned her matriarch before the ceremony and was humorously asked if she’d split up with Spencer. There’s something charming about a mother’s brutal honesty.

I’d set the over/ under for the first trial separation at eighteen months. What do you think? How long will this Godforsaken union remain intact? Vote in the poll below or leave a comment and let us know what you think…

How Long Will They Last?

• Under Six Months
• Under One Year
• Under Eighteen Months
• Under Three Years
• Under Five Years
• Under Ten Years
• Until Jesus Comes Back

  Results