Number 73 on Cinema Blend’s Most Likely To Die In ‘09 List, Rip Torn picked up his third DUI in less than five years. The seventy-seven year old was reportedly stopped after the 5-0 eyed him driving on the shoulder. Well played, Patches.

According to TMZ, the crazy old codger had a Christmas tree on top of his car, probably to camouflage it in secrecy. I’m not sure how that ingenious scheme didn’t work. Some expert cops must have been working the highways. Maybe it was car RamRod.

Rip Torn needs to get his life together. Drunk driving is never acceptable, but it takes on a whole new level of awfulness when old people get involved. Their reflexes are already slower to begin with because of oldness.