Stories of Eminem’s dramatic weight gain have been eating their way through the internet for the last few weeks, but the gossip has taken a turn from a little bit sad to a lot of bit hilarious. Weight loss shake giant Slim Fast have offered Slim Shady a skinny hand up.

According to MTV, the sponsorship gig was inspired by Eminem’s recent pneumonia scare, which reportedly was brought on by the rapper’s extra baggage. The company issued a statement reading, “Slim-Fast would love to offer Eminem product and assistance to help him become a potential S-F success story." What a vicious, back-handed compliment.

There’s no word on whether Slim, real name Marshall Mathers, will accept the potentially lucrative offer, but this writer seriously doubts Em will start downing the icky shakes anytime soon. Still, we here at Celebrity Stink hope he stops losing himself in carbohydrates. The rap industry has had enough senseless premature death. We’d hate to see another one gunned down–by his own girth.