Always ready and willing to change with the times, The Vatican announced on Tuesday that believing in aliens is no longer just for the heathens. Not that the Catholic Church carries quite the same pull on collective thought that it did five hundred years ago, but God-fearing Christians are now free to speculate about intelligent life forms on far away planets without the slightest hint of guilt.

The shocking revelation came out in an interview earlier this week with Jesuit Director Of The Vatican Observatory (Yes, that exists) Jose Funes admitting extra-terrestrial beings wouldn’t “contradict our faith.” My God. Jesus just rolled over in his grave.

Does anyone really still care what the Pope thinks? There’s only one man in a ridiculous white hat who’s opinion I respect and he doesn’t live in Europe. I won’t tell you who that man is, but I can tell you he lives with Britney’s two children and dances like a motherfucker.