Larry King is receiving a lifetime achievement award from the Emmys? Really? For what? Undeservedly keeping a job for longer than Homer Simpson? Okay, okay, so he was never quite that bad; but he was the quintessential softball 'analyst' who is best known for saying weird things and coaching his son's little league baseball team. He's not quite Tom Brokaw, is what I'm really getting after here. Regardless, now the former CNN man treats us with his tweets that are nearly as funny as Jim Gaffigan's -- if only for different reasons.
Dane Cook
All I can say about this whole Casey Anthony situation is I guess the precogs really blew it.

George Takei
I was going to try out for "The Voice " but was told they'd know it was me right away.

Jim Gaffigan
I hope I get a new birthday suit today. Mine has gotten kind of baggy. Maybe a different color or some color might help.

Donnie Wahlberg
Today- Just keep grinding! Someone doubts you? Keep grinding! Say you can't? Keep grinding! Doubt yourself? Keep grinding! No quit! No way!

Roger Ebert
My review Kevin James's "Zookeeper." Imagine a buddy movie with a gorilla as the buddy.

Larry King
It was announced today that I'm receiving a lifetime achievement Emmy from the Academy later this year. I am honored and humbled...

Next week the 405 freeway in Los Angeles will be closed for construction. #CARMAGEDDON

Lee Unkrich
Real-life version of the house from 'Up':

Thank God Casey Anthony has another yr in prison to think about her terrible crime: LYING TO & MISLEADING LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIALS!

Conan O'Brien
Can you get same-sex-married to yourself? I’m asking for a friend. Named “Shmonan.” With nonrefundable tickets to NY.



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