Surprising absolutely no one, Fall Out Boy brainchild Pete Wentz wed below-average pop star Ashlee Simpson in a sparsely attended ceremony last night. I found out, like several million other Americans, while watching The Soup! on E! last night after the network cut away for breaking news. Like an overexcited dumbass, I shouted, “Who died?” in an obnoxious, high-pitched voice before the network told me of the nuptials, and my friends shot me menacing glances. What a tease. The whole world already knew this was going down.

Still, rumblings about the Simpson family are always crowd pleasers; so, here I am, writing up matrimony musings ya’ll have probably already heard. Normally, when two celebrities get hitched, we in the business refer to them as being a power couple. Well, unfortunately, for Mr. and Mrs. Wentz, outside of tabloids, their collective pull isn’t exactly impressive. So, we here at Cinema Blend wish the new couple all the luck in the world.