Bratz: The Movie - Review

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Length: 110 min

Rated: PG

Distributor: Lionsgate

Release Date: 2007-08-03

Starring: Nathalia Ramos (Yasmin), Skyler Shaye (Cloe), Janel Parrish (Jade), and Logan Browning (Sasha), Jon Voight, Stephan Lunsford, Malese Jow, Anneliese van der Pol, Chelsea Staub

Directed by Sean McNamara

Produced by Avi Arad, Steven Paul

Written by John Dolittle

Visit the movie's Official Site!

Reviewed by Josh Tyler : 2007-08-02 14:09:07

This is not a review for the 8 to 14 year old girls Lionsgate is hoping will be in the audience for Bratz: The Movie. This is a review for the 30 to 50 year old parents, debating whether or not to let their kids see it or worse, trying to decide whether or not they should accompany them. Don’t. To teenage girls Bratz will probably be the greatest thing they’ve ever seen, but then so would any movie which uses abbreviations like OMG and BFF with spastic frequency. For everyone else, Bratz is like being raped by MySpace.

The movie begins pounding away by taking the term “morning person” to an entirely new, dizzying level. Four perfectly cute girls of perfectly diverse (but not too dark!) ethnicities wake up in their respective bedrooms, leap out of bed, and begin dancing in their PJs. Who needs coffee when you’re young, super cool, and have closets full of expensive clothes! After a quick video conference while they decide on outfits, the girls meet up for their first day of high school looking even more super cool than they did in the last scene! Unfortunately, all is not well at their new high school. The place is run by an uber-nasty mean girl who has divided the cafeteria up into cliques. Unable to escape established school hierarchy the girls are separated. Flash two years later and they are no longer friends, but chance circumstances bring them back together so they can be super cool again and show everyone else how awesome and super cool it is to be like them and wear totally awesome outfits and spend all your time obsessing over fashion and stuff.

Bratz is basically a cross-pollinated knockoff of Mean Girls and Clueless, except without any of the stuff that made those movies good. For starters, it just doesn’t go anywhere. The movie has no real purpose other than to follow four girls around on various shopping excursions and watch them wax poetic about how important your friends are. It’s like pop culture-porn, a script written primarily to shove on screen whatever it is that a bunch of marketing nerds think is hot with teenage girls. Oh the film makes some half-hearted attempt to say something about being yourself, but when it says it, the words come out more like: “If you’re super cool and super good looking then you should totally be yourself because everyone will like you and it will be awesome and oh yeah your friends are so more important than anything in the whole world and don’t forget to buy lots of hot clothes and use You Tube!” As life lessons go, I can’t imagine anything more meaningless.

The script is bad enough all by itself, but they’ve actually managed to cast a group of young actresses who make it even worse. The four leads are played by unknowns, and I submit that they may have been unknown for a reason. Not one of them can act. Their performances are about on par with that of your average 6-year-old kid in a milk commercial, except most of them are nearly 20 and theoretically smart enough to understand that acting is more than just a session of “lets pretend”. Special note must be made of Jon Voight who shows up as the world’s richest high school principle. Teachers may make a lousy salary, but apparently that principle gig buys at least one mansion. Dear Mr. Voight, wearing a prosthetic nose is no substitute for acting. It’s just a fake nose. It doesn’t make your performance better. Stop it.

Bratz is an awful movie, but it’s probably not a harmful one. I mean it’s not going to make your daughters run out and start selling themselves for sex the way buying slutty dolls the movie is based on will. At worst Bratz: The Movie may make your daughters dumber or teach them that if they aren’t super good looking they have no hope of ever being popular. The first will probably happen anyway if they watch MTV, and the second, well it’s probably true. It’s a shallow world we live in and Bratz: The Movie does its best to make it even more shallower than ever! OMG! Will you be my BFFs?

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Chanel
December 8, 2008 at 00:46

I personally love the movie!
All the movies there pretty good .... to me. I always has been a fan of Bratz
Since 01. I mean I don't see how a little girl can be looking a bratz doll and somehow end up being a Whore. I see wanting to dress like them But not billing sex.

They do send a bad image of dress code but not a bad lesson over all. If you buy a bratz album there are good lesson to be taught.

I love Bratz! No matter what happens in the future I always will. Barbie could never measure up To Bratz.
Im A teen and im not gonna sell my body because of a Bratz.

This is a great movie & Bratz are great
Everyone has opinions and mine is set & untouchable

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devious
November 20, 2008 at 16:04

first off. bland plot of stereotypical american "popular" girls just doesn't go well in any movie, this movie is nothing more than an attempt to milk a rhetorical "cash cow".
In an equation form it may look like this: cash cow plot + young impressionable teens (female + fan boys) = money ....... which is a moot point.
this movie....... doesn't even come close to deserving a rating as it should have been a straight to dvd release and thus unheard of and forgotten.

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rico
July 2, 2008 at 00:17

well i've watched 3 times in theaters n i thought it was such a good teenage movie.
i live in Indonesia, n the movie had many good reviews out here n lured a ton of people.
when i saw it, the theater was full for God's sake!

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Julien225
June 1, 2008 at 15:51

Josh, you're too funny to be true....
I completely agree with you, this is a pathetic film, but I don't agree with

they will start selling themselves for sex if they watch MTV

You have to know that here in Italy Mtv airs series like scrubs or kebab for breakfast, but, it airs a shot at love with tila tequila, and yes, that is scandalous and I couldn't find anything sluttier

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rupali
April 20, 2008 at 18:45

the movie rocks i love da movie my fav

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josh b
April 20, 2008 at 18:45

was up yo jade ur hot

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melissa says
December 17, 2007 at 22:18

omg this movie was great me and my best friend watch it and we thought it was a pretty good movie

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sinaed
December 10, 2007 at 13:30

the movie was cool

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ros
November 16, 2007 at 17:39

hi i am ros and i wonder if you are yasmin because i relly relly like your movie can i please have your email please thank you

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you should know
October 23, 2007 at 12:41

i think that it was the best movie ever and if any 1 didnt like it why are they on here looking at huh!

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Learica
October 7, 2007 at 01:26

I for one LOVED this movie.It taught good lessons.Yes the plot could have been more creative...I kind of whish it was.But, it was a good movie.

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Sade
October 3, 2007 at 14:58

Hilarious review, but even tough I've never seen the film, I could tell by trailers that it looked pretty bad.

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Aran Domguy
October 1, 2007 at 21:34

Seriously, who were you trying to insult? Bratz or MySpace?

Anyway, that freaking is so full of freaking true and win, ROFL!

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alee..
September 25, 2007 at 00:49

yuuuuuuckkkkk!!!!! terrriblee moviee!! i definjitely say..
how can someone publich this disaster???

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lizzibeth
September 10, 2007 at 00:29

I laughed when I first saw the trailer for this movie. Despite what some adults think, teens aren't this stupid and shallow. Some anyway. Most probably won't even watch this bullshit.

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kenia vasquez
September 9, 2007 at 20:41

I like so much the movie and I want to you now the movie "Bratz the movie" is realy the buest movie. I like so much I get some pictures of Bratz the movie.

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Rc&+Kd
September 4, 2007 at 15:43

Omgggggg . . Thussss Moviieee Ihs Thu Bessssst . . 8-> I Actualll Lovvve Ihttt . . Ihtsss Hottttt . . :- )
I Thinnnnk Ihtssss Thu Besssst Movieeee Iveeee Seeeeen Ihnnn Agessss . . :-)

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kimberly
August 13, 2007 at 12:55

i want to know when does BRATZ the movie come out?

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JoshT
August 8, 2007 at 17:18

SmartMom...

I never said the movie "teaches a bad lesson". It's not smart enough to teach bad lessons. It just makes you dumber for having spent time with it. In way, that's even worse.

To the rest of you...

Thanks for the kind words. You are all soo my BFFs 4EVR.

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Smart Mom
August 5, 2007 at 23:03

My daughters and I (one teen and one child) planned to see this movie together even though my kids never played with Bratz dolls much. My husband wanted to go along to be with his family. He checked reviews before we left and we almost didn't go because of bad reviews. We insisted on going anyway and we loved it. Anyone who thinks that it teaches a bad lesson must be looking for a bad lesson. It shows kids how "not to act" It was funny and even my husband loved it. Compared to most of the trash out there, it is a good family movie.

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Bratz 4ever
August 4, 2007 at 21:20

Like OMG, like this josh guy totally needs to like see this movie again, this movie was like so totally awesome, me and my BFF's went to see this movie, and like we cried laughing, like totally.

hahah, Josh, best review ever

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Sonya
August 4, 2007 at 15:40

holy crud! I agree absolutely agree with you on this! I didn't even see the movie, I just watch the previews!! For those of you who are anime fans like me probably will agree with me when I say that Bratz the movie has the same plot as fanfictions written by 8-13 year old girls.

Seriously it's the same. There's always the "BFF"s, the Popular mean leader of the school, and some sort of attempt of bring her down which is usually in the form of a talent show. During the talent, the popular girl has some showy routine with dancing the "BFF'"s always come up with some sort of routine with way to many lights, dancing and singing and of course...they always win which is the usual ending in these cliche fanfics/movies ><

I think that the movie makers went browsing online stumbled upon fanfiction.net and read one story with the same plot line and thought "Hey, this has never been done before! It's original!" Hate to break it you guys but... it's not!! It's been done repeatedly and written by girls who are 8 years old. The reason why no one has done it: IT'S A HORRIBLE PLOT!!! ><

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Annerisce_Rosa
August 4, 2007 at 15:39

"Bratz is like getting raped by MySpace."

*laughs hysterically*
Oh my God, I love you! That sums it up PERFECTLY!

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Nick Davies
August 3, 2007 at 20:09

Good handle on the sarcasm there, Skittles.

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Per
August 3, 2007 at 20:07

^ what was almost a clever insight is actually an inept and haughty inability to recognize sarcasm. OMG. IUF (in ur face, rofl).

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