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The Marine - Review

The Marine Movie Poster
Length: 93 min
Rated: PG-13
Distributor: 20th Century Fox Films
Release Date:  2006-10-13

Starring: John Cena, Robert Patrick, Kelly Carlson, Anthony Ray Parker, Abigail Bianca, Jerome Ehlers, Manu Bennett, Drew Powell, Frank Carlopio

Directed by John Bonito
Produced by Joel Simon
Written by Michelle Gallagher, Alan B. McElroy

Visit the movie's Official Site!

Reviewed by Josh Tyler : 2006-10-13 18:50:24
It should come as no surprise to anyone that The Marine is bad. No, that's not bad as in "bad-ass". If you had high expectations for this film you're either a deluded wrestling fan or you just haven't been paying attention. Spending three seconds with the movie's trailer should have been enough to warn you off. What is surprising is that The Marine isn't epically bad, it's not a stinker of mammoth proportions. It's merely crappy and all the credit for that should go to Robert Patrick and his gang of wacky villains. More on that in a minute.

The movie opens with a Marine rescue sequence that can only be described as a military propaganda video. Luckily it's over soon and gets right on with the business of exploring John Cena's two facial expressions. Some people might say he only has one, but if you look closely you'll find two. The first is the most obvious, mule-headed stubbornness. The other is more subtle, but I'd describe it as barely constrained confusion.

Cena plays John Triton the titular Marine, or rather ex-marine, a guy discharged from the service for disobeying orders to save his friends and now forced to settle down in civilian life. But what's a guy with so many muscles supposed to do? He certainly doesn't look comfortable sitting on a couch. Triton needs someone to kill, and the movie's script wastes no time in finding him a target. His wife ends up kidnapped by a gang of diamond thieves, they take her as a hostage for no discernable reason. He pursues, first in a car, and then later on foot through a crocodile-free (but alligator infested) swamp.

The thieves are led by the venerable Robert Patrick, at his most manic. His killer compadres are a wacky crew of lunatic misfits and every time they're on screen there's some form of hilarious entertainment to be had. They're great. Seriously, as a killer comedy team these guys are genius. Unfortunately the rest of the movie isn't.

The action's a bust, a slow motion wad of unbelievable flames and body slamming. Cena's a total dud, he doesn't so much act as stare blankly at his opponents. He doesn't even look like a Marine, he's got the build of a roided out construction worker not a lethally trained killer in Uncle Sam's service. His fingers are like cucumbers, so large they're almost incapable of doing things like grasping. His arms are so muscled they're almost immobile, in battle the guy looks a lot like an angry Tyrannosaurus.

If you're headed out to see The Marine, you know what to expect. It's a movie geared specifically for Cena fans, and thus by extension wrestling fans. Already used to bad acting, lame action, and unbelievably stupid stories they'll probably love it. Enjoy. Everyone needs a guilty pleasure.

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  • Ok let me start of saying that this movie was a major
    disappointment, first off the military accuracy sucked, AlQaeda does not have a damn base in Iraq with tanks and guard towers, second John Cena does not salute properly, when not wearing a cover (hat) you salute to your eyebrow not your forehead, when wearing a cover you salute to the brim of the cover not rest your fingers on top of it. When he was working out in Germany before his discharge he was wearing woodland BDU uniform trousers and a woodland cover, when it showed him in Iraq his fellow Marines were wearing MCCUU Marpat digital camo, he would have been wearing Digital woodland in Germany. And the cover he was wearing was an Army/Air force cover I don't know if the Navy wears covers like them, but that is not the cover the Marine Corps uses. There are a lot of things I would like to point out, but one I really need to point out is when he is giving chase in the camaro squad car, he holds up a police grade bullet resistant vest, not at all capable of stopping the .223 or 5.56mm rounds that would be hitting it, the rounds would go through that vest like butter. once again the movie was a huge disappointment. I give it 1/5 stars.
    Ciao
  • some of these comments are deluded ha, possibly the worst film that i have ever seen
  • 2 out of 5 an okay film certainly better than cenas mediocre wwe career
  • Yes i think the John Cena is has verying poor acting in this movie and will have verying poor acting for any movie he will do. I'm a WWE hardcore fan but i think that Cena should stay in the ring and not doing movies.
  • Well, i just watched the movie and to tell you the truth it was all that appealing. I predicted the outcome of the movie just by watching the first 5 minutes of it. John Cena, well what can i say. The fact is, he is not a very good actor, i see him acting in a comedy rather not an action movie. The thing that i found disappointing in this movie, was the fact that every thing blows up,jeez i mean 6 explosions is more than enough. I do see Cena continuing with his acting career, maybe something like a football flick or comedy related.
  • OK, look. Loads of people are blasting Edge and saying how bad he is. But think about it. He has taken bumps that Cena wouldn't dream of taking. Edge and Mick Foley at Mania 22, or Edge in his TLC matches. He's not my favourite wrestler by any means, but at least I can give credit, where credit is due. As for Cena, look at all the people on here commenting about how great he is, they are all women or young kids. Fair enough, support him if you want, but please do not insult the actual SPORT of wrestling by calling Cena a good wrestler. Yes, he can entertain some people in the ring, and maybe he can be CARRIED by somebody like Kurt Angle or Edge to a good match, but on his own, he cannot have a good non-gimmicked match.
  • This movie didn't really live up to the hype but it isn't what I'll call shitty. It just wasn't directed well. Hell, I could direct better than the guy who directed this! but I watched it because I'm a huge wrestling fan and a huge Cena fan. Cena was ok in his film debut but like I said it's his first movie so give the guy a break. And to u cena haters who reviewed this movie, stop hatin cause he's hotter, stronger, an awesome wrestler and just an all around great tough cool guy than you. I don't see you lifting a 500 pound giant!
  • may be the movie was predictible,but this not means that it's not
    good......
    this is cena's first movie...so we can give him our aprove....
    let's pray that next time(if there is 'next time',althought it's 99.999% sure that john cena won't stop 'acting')he will be better and still WWE champion
    :)
  • i remember going to see crank and watching the preview. the audience was almost in tears from laughing so hard. i'm really sorry i missed my chance to see this hilarious movie.

    on a side note, i used to be a wrestling fan back when ecw existed. i quit back when cena started wrestling. one thing i noticed was that he doesnt take bumps well at all and his acting seems to be a poor attempt at being the next the rock.

    btw katie, i saw the lifting of the giant you mentioned. it's called a fireman's carry. it allows you to carry someone weighing quite a bit more than you could normally carry. granted the average person still couldnt lift the giant, but i'm willing to say the average wrestler could.

    i cant wait til he makes another movie
  • You people I can't belive. You only say these things cause you dislike the HOT rapper...wrestler.... and actor.. Johnathan Felix Anothony Cena. You are just mad and upset you can't be great like he is!!!!!! And FYI watch the wwe some time and see what Cena can do. I bet non of you people that are dissin Cena can't pick up a 500lbs. giant.. Cena i <3 you and i always will. <3 <3 <3
  • it was cool john cena rules as a wrestler and a actor
  • first of All lets stop the Edge and Cena bashing the movie was a typical wrestler trying to turn action hero movie. Cena didnt do to bad for his first time out. Ill admit hes doesnt look like any Marine I served with. a guy that big isnt used for the missions the movie starts out with. secondly this isnt half as bad as those Navy Seal movies Hulk Hogan did back in he mid ninetys but Ill wll put it up their with the Rock(Dwayne Johnson) in doom its not always the actor sometimes its the movie. To john Cena stick to straight to video releases till you earn your stripes Semper,
  • I was not expecting an Oscar winner. This is a typical 80s-90s action flick. Look at Rambo. Not really the best acted film. But they were fun. If you like wrestling then you will probably like this flick. It was predictable. Everything blew up. Classic action genre.
    Relax and have fun.
  • Ken: How does whether or not I can do what these guys do really justify what they do? What does that have to do with anything? I also suck at curling. Does that make it the world's greatest sport?

    Tabitha: Good point.

    Tori: Kindly don't accuse me of lying. Like the movie, fine. But just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I'm lying about seeing the film.

    Matt K: Try again. Wrestling bashing because it its dumb. If I was worried about sounding cool I'm sure I could have come up with something better. Something that didn't raise the ire of wrestling fans. Come on, get real dude. There's nothing wrong with liking it, we all have our guilty pleasures but don't delude yourself into thinking the "sport" is something it is not. It's soap operas for dudes. Enjoy it. Just don't lie to yourself about it. :) We all have our guilty pleasures. Some people watch bad reality television shows, some like Justin Timberlake, you watch wrestling. Don't be ashamed.

  • Uhm, okay the movie wasn't all that, I understand, but it was not neccessary to slander wrestling or anything to have to do with it. How about this, let me see you get on screen in front of a live audience 320 nights of the year and do even 20% of what these guys do...
  • ok it was a pretty great movie.. as for cena being a bad wrestler lol he is way better than edge.. he has so much passion for what he does some people could learn from him.. but people shouldnt leave rude comments on the site b/c it is like me going on to edge or some one eles site and saying they sux (even though EDGE does)
  • Why are you people so damn judgemental? I bet you didn't even go and see the movie, you're just saying all these hateful things just because you don't like him. I don't see what all the hate is about. He's not like any other wrestler. He's unique. But I guess you can't appreciate the fact of how much work he's putting into the WWE and this movie. Ugh. It really sickens me of how much Cena haters are more obssessed with him than the fans it's pathetic. I don't like Edge, but you don't see me going around on Edge fansites constantly screaming, "EDGE SUCKS!!" Remember this: Bashing on Cena or any wrestler and his fans only makes the hater look ignorant or jealous.
  • Already used to bad acting, lame action, and unbelievably stupid stories they'll probably love it. Enjoy. Everyone needs a guilty pleasure.

    I'll take wrestling bashing to sound cool for $200 Alex

    I mean do some research most wrestling fans HATE John Cena. The ones that love him are people that just start watching and people under the age of 12. So think before you act. And yes I agree the movie sucks
  • Just as I thought this movie would be: a hands-down stinker. Even any wrestling fan worth his salt knows that Cena can't act, much less wrestle or *shudder* rap. Maybe the WWE will take a small hint from this failure and notice that he's not a marketable talent anymore, or in my opinion, never was.

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