The Vortex Fountain Classes Up The Place

People of my class, that is to say absolutely none, seem to think putting in a dirty little fountain will help make their landscaping look fabulous. It really doesn’t. It’s just some water for bugs and mosquitoes to breed in. And then we’re all left at the barbecue with bites up and down our bodies. There’s just no fun to be had. Fountains should be federally regulated to only exist in front of government buildings, parks and retarded rich people’s homes. My preference would be for most of these fountains to be like the Vortex Fountain. If I have to look at flowing water not in a river I’d like it to look cool.

The Vortex Fountain gets its distinctive look by the acrylic casing that fills with water and then flows down the outside. Then alternating currents come in and create the funnel in the middle. I don’t hate fountains. I’d love to be in a house that is deserving of one, and the Vortex Fountain would be at the top of my list. It’d be even better if you could throw things in it and have them disappear. Like dead hookers, the bain of most rich people. Right? If not that then maybe my kid could throw some toys in there and clog it up like Plucky Duck in the bathroom on Tiny Toon Adventures.