doug

With Nickelodeon's renewed interest in all things 1990s - who, in 2000, saw Legends of the HIdden Temple getting a TV movie? - all of the classics are rising to the surface. And while romance doesn't come up much when talking about the network's kid shows, it's impossible to forget the adorable cusp-of-courtship between Doug Funnie and Patti Mayonnaise in Doug. Though rights issues keep the series from returning, creator Jim Jenkins has an idea for how he'd want the story to continue, and it'll be a huge surprise to those shipping Funyonnaise. (I Klotzed that one.)

But I would predict that what I would do is make it where Patti is maybe not married, but in a serious relationship. Meanwhile, Doug has this friend of his, a girl, who he's always pouring his heart out to about how [Patti's] killing him. And naturally, I guess maybe it's a little predictable, but that's the one. That's the one he's comfortable enough to bear his soul to in his next phase of life, that he discovers he's in love with and didn't even know it.

I'd call that a low blow to Doug fans the world over, but it's not that much of one, really. (And not just because fictional animated love doesn't have any real-world effects.) As Jim Jenkins also told EW, most people don't actually end up with their first love. This hypothetical universe is set around the time of Doug's 10-year high school reunion, and while it'd certainly be possible for Doug and Patti to retain their feelings for one another through adulthood until death, I have to wonder if their different interests would have clashed as they went through the end of high school and possibly college.

Doug Funnie was a dreamer with an imagination that completely took over his life in just about every other episode, while Patti seemed like a more grounded person who would use sports and her more tactile talents to guide her in life. I am, of course, assuming he still does Quailman on a weekly basis even in his late-twenties, possibly to disturbing lengths. But hey, he's Doug Funnie, am I right? This guy deserves to get the girl he wants to be with, and if he's apparently been spending time moaning and groaning over Patti being with someone else, then it's good he learns a lesson in making sparks fly with someone else.

Cue The Beets putting on a show at the school gym for the reunion, and they play some slow jam that Doug and his new lady dance to, and then he and Patti look each other in the eye, and they both know that the past is in the past. And...wait a minute. I think I used a Nicholas Sparks book to stir my coffee earlier, and I'm gonna stop here before one of them dies.

Jim Jenkins does say that he could just turn around and make it so that Doug and Patti do end up together, but that's all just up for our own imaginations at this point. Disney currently owns the rights - you recall the meh episodes after Doug moved to ABC, right? - and there's no talk about giving the world any more. Someone should send Smash Adams to talk some sense into them. So we'll just have to hope for the return of Rugrats and all the rest while anticipating the upcoming Hey Arnold movie.

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