American Idol Auditions Reaction - Atlanta

One thing I love about the audition episodes is how they really accentuate the amount of crazy we have living here in the United States just in the 16-28 year old age range. (And how much of that crazy want to be professional singers.) Maybe it isn’t crazy. Maybe it’s just a total lack of self-awareness. Whatever it is, no one exploits it better and more consistently (while juxtaposing it with actual talent) than Idol. They’ve made crazy an art form to the point where each audition show has three sets of people. One group is unknowingly vying for the William Hung, I-don’t-know-the-joke’s-on-me, soon to be viral-video award for the night’s biggest train wreck. The second group is actually competing to win a talent competition. But the third (as shown tonight) actually combines them both i.e. Skiboski and Holly Harden (Guitar Girl) who totally shocked me. Nice job Idol for keeping me on my toes. It just goes to show that people who are socially retarded can actually have some real talent. Who knew? Mary J. Blige was tonight’s celebrity judge. At least she had some sort of pulse as opposed to Blah Spice from the Boston auditions. Unfortunately, the addition of Blige just encouraged Cruella Dioguardi to embrace her inner Soul Sista as she many, many times attempted to move and groove along to singers singing a capella twenty feet away from the judges’ table. Anyway, on to some awards and thoughts. The Nightly Danny Gokey Award goes to Jermaine Sellers for being a church singer and taking care of his sick mother. He sang “What if God was One of Us;” the song my buddy James and I famously parodied during a talent show at a summer camp I worked at in 2002. For that reason alone this guy is my early favorite to win the whole thing. The Tatiana Del Toro Award goes to Christy Marie Agronow, the promoter of the “411...The Show.” I went to college with a number of different girls like Christy. A chance to see one of them get her dreams shattered in front of millions more than made up for four years of teeth gritting and under my breath cursing. The Kelly Pickler Award goes to Vanessa Wolfe. She sang Old Crow Medicine Show’s “Wagon Wheel.” (I have friends who absolutely love this band, so that was a plus) But when she asked, “Are you serial?” in response to getting to move on in the competition , well that’s when I was really sold. Stories like hers, where she feels American Idol represents her only chance at bettering her life, are sad and yet weirdly redeeming at the same time. She won’t make it past Hollywood week but at least she is getting to ride on a good-old “air-o-plane,” for the first time. The Plastic Doll Award goes in a tie to Carmen Turner and Lauren Sanders. One was talented and weird looking. The other was just weird looking. Somewhat of a tough moment when Carmen was chosen and Lauren got left behind but I got to see two girls with fifteen pounds of makeup between them try and secrete moisture out of their tear ducts. The “I can take constructive criticism award” goes Lamar Royal who took the criticism so well he ended up escorted out by security.

Couple of awesome moments from this audition. One: Randy catcalling the guy as he is being led out of the studio by Hans and Franz. This was kind of like some punk deciding to finally get tough when the other guy is being held back. Two: The security guards testing the limits of the elevator by trying to get as far away from Lamar as possible. Three: The random family doing a mock clap for Lamar outside the building. Just classic. The Renaldo Lapuz Award goes to General Larry Platt. Nothing else to really say about this one. Some Random Thoughts: - I can see it now and I don’t know what I can do to stop it. I am going to spend much of this season covering Idol just crushing Kara. I compare it to biting my nails. I wish I didn’t. I think it’s in poor taste and not exactly becoming me as a well-natured and generally well-mannered person. I have tried many times to stop. But then, without thinking, there I am chomping down and damn if it doesn’t just feel fantastic. So be forewarned, Idol coverage this season will have its fair dose of Kara “It’s Not Delivery, It’s” Dioguardi bashing. - I couldn’t think of an award to give Jessie Hamilton, a guy whose brushes with death included being limp in his crib, dodging a stray bullet (that he fired) and narrowly missing getting hit by a truck. Just a couple more inches on the latter two and society would have been done a huge favor.

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