The Bachelor Watch: 63 Thoughts From Juan Pablo's Ridiculous Overnight Dates
I'm just going to start quoting lines here because she's preaching to the choir right now.
“I saw a side to him that I didn’t really like. The whole night was just a disaster.” GIRL WELCOME TO DAY ONE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
“I hope he did not think that went well. I really hope that he did not think that was a good date.” HAHAHA OH BUT OF COURSE HE DID.
“Every time I tried to talk about feelings or something in my past, it was always him trying to tell stories about him and not once did he ask about me.” My question is: how has a district attorney never met a narcissist before?
“The name dropping” What names do Juan Pablo know other than his own? Camila’s?
“He didn’t really care,” Well that is just a siren alert.
“Was I an idiot? Was I blind? Was I just trying to be as open as possible?”
Now we're onto Nikki, who's going to ride a horse in a precarious-looking bathing suit top. Nothing could go wrong there.
Nikki: “I’m really glad I wore pants today.”
UGH GROSS DOUCHEALERT: “In a thong? It’d be great. I’d be riding there right behind you.”
Priceless Follow-Up Line Juxtaposition, courtesy of Nikki: “We have a relationship based on honesty.”
Juan Pablo to Nikki: “You been thinking a lot today.” That makes one of them.
He really doesn’t get stuff like “wheels turning” “wanting badly” figures of speech and American colloquialisms are not his forte.
Nikki could be the one “because she’s honest, she’s sexy and she’s very pretty.” Oh cool priorities!
Oh Juanie Pebbles’ hair move is back again.
Nooooo don’t say “I love you,” don’t do it oh no she did ☹
Juan Pablo's Perfect Response: “Mmm, I didn’t know that. … I don’t know what to say.” DO YOU EVER?
Every single episode he says “I can’t wait to learn more about” these women. Maybe he should try listening.
Serious Question: Do we think Juan Pablo thinks you hear things with your tongue? It would explain a lot.
Oh! Chris Harrison has not been on much this season, but here he is, guys, pushing JP for more beyond “I like these girls.” All Juan Pablo's got is “What can I say?” because of course.
HARRISON HATES JUAN PABLO YOU GUYS. YOU CAN JUST TELL.
Nikki, stop theater kid acting during your video.
Guys, I'll say it again: Clare and JP are a match made in heaven.
Was the instruction to Andi “walk really, really slow?”
I’m torn because I sorta like Andi’s shorts but also they look like they have a weird vagina flap because of the ruffles in the front.
Did he just say “That’s PERFECT” that she wants to leave?!
Why is he saying “I like Andi” TO ANDI?
This man literally cannot think outside of himself.
When called out on his inability to get to actually know the real Andi, all he had to say is: “I don’t have any idea about that.”
"You should've told me in the Fantasy Suite," oh cool put it on her NO BIG DEAL THAT'S COOL. He doesn't need to be an engaged partner in this or anything!
THIS FIGHT IS AMAZING. I CANNOT QUOTE IT. IT IS ALL JUST SO GOOD.
”Do you know what religion I am?” “No! But I bet you don’t know what religion I am!” “Catholic.” “…” ***FLAWLESS
So we all agree that all Juan Pebbles wants is a woman who talks, laughs, and smiles. No thoughts, no needs, no lives of their own. Right?
That neck of his is getting really red.
“Don’t take it personally,” because nothing is personal with him. Not even relationships!
I love that JP was shocked that Andi wanted to go home. You literally could not write this shit better.
Why are they even having a rose ceremony?
His word usage right now says everything: “Spend the rest of my life with me.”
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