Ohno Wins Dancing With The Stars

If there is anything really resembling rules on ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ we all thought one of them was this: the winner has to be someone you have forgotten about, not so much that their name doesn’t ring a bell, but you definitely have to wikipedia them. And by that standard, Apolo Anton Ohno, the 2002 Winter Olympics superstar, fits the bill.

But isn’t this guy like 24? And possibly a little too young to already be staking his claim on ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ especially in a season when the stiffest competition is coming from former ‘Nsyncer Joey Fatone and—oh my God—Billy Ray Cyrus? Perhaps it’s those immense speed skating thighs that guaranteed his rise to the top.

So here we have it, Apolo Anton Ohno, season four winner of ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ joining the laudable ranks of Kelly Monaco (oh yeah, remember her?), Drew Lachey (the one not dating Vanessa Minnillo) and Emmitt Smith (OK, I guess he also had a respectable NFL career behind him). He and his dancing partner, Julianne Hough, bested Laila Ali & Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Joey Fatone & Kym Johnson in the final three, dancing the rumba and paso doble along with a freestyle dance.

The finale featured something of an orgy of looking back and self-congratulation, which probably does not compare to what we can expect from ‘American Idol’ tonight. All sorts of forgotten contestants—Shandi Finnessy, seriously, who are you—and should-be-forgotten contestants—go away, Heather Mills—returned for one last dramatic dance, though their dancing was for naught as they were, y’know, out of the competition. Even Clay Aiken shows up for a jokey segment to remind us that ‘Dancing with the Stars” truly is just like ‘American Idol’….for your feet.

Now it’s a long, hot summer without any rumbas or cha chas, but ABC has got more reality up their sleeves. Next up is ‘Shaq’s Big Challenge,’ debuting June 26, a show in which Shaquille O’Neal shapes up six obese Florida youths. No, this is not nearly as campy as ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ but you know what’s a great weight-loss exercise? The paso doble!

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