Sharknado 3: The Three Things We Want Most From This Ridiculous Sequel
Watching Syfy’s Sharknado 2: The Second One for actual movie thrills is akin to having elective surgery from a surgeon who works only by tickling his patients. It’s ludicrous, completely devoid of physics and utilizes performers whose acting skills were forged in a child’s playpen, which means it’s at least twice as good as its predecessor. With Sharknado 3 coming next year, you can bet that The Asylum writer Thunder Levin will sidestep maturation in favor of upping the flying shark ante to even more astronomical heights.
As such, we thought it’d be fun (though admittedly not dramatically insightful) to put together what we think would be the greatest possible sequel for this “fin-chise.” And though it was decided that taking a running leap off of the top of a speeding bus would be better for society, here are three ingredients that the next Sharknado installment needs to become the greatest (shark-filled made-for-TV) movie of 2015.
A Florida SettingWe’re not here to question the weather patterns of Sharknados and how they manage to follow Ian Ziering’s character Fin across the country, but we’ll gladly use that hollow plot contrivance to take the action to a different setting. Bigger is better, right? And what would be bigger and better than seeing an entire state get demolished? We’ve seen the sharks take over L.A. and New York – or at least CGI stand-ins for those cities – and now we want to see a bunch of sharks flying over what has, in recent years, become a go-to state for weird and wacky news stories. Plus, it’s got Disney World!
The Florida experience would be two-fold, and theme parks are definitely part of it. There’s no possibly way this production could actually secure the rights to film in Disney World, but that doesn’t mean The Asylum can’t put money together to create truly awful ripoff rides and attractions. (Tomorrowplace, Coffee Cup rides, Space Hill, etc.) Hinted at by the picture above, this would also be an excellent way to reference the now-missing Jaws: The Ride at Universal, which is owned by NBCUniversal, which also owns Syfy. Shark symbiosis! And then once we’re done with the parks, there’s all those beaches and wetlands to play around in. Sharknado 2 brought in a random ass alligator for its subway scene, so why not have an entire set-piece involving sharks falling down on alligators, while Fin and his crew run through swamp water? Forget Vegas. Forget Paris. Florida needs to get sharkified.
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