Sons of Anarchy Season 5 Finale Watch: J'ai Obtenu Cette

By Nick Venable 2012-12-05 04:16:23 discussion comments
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By putting Clay behind bars, Jax has shattered his relationship with Bobby, who thought Jax had a chance to be different by not hurting Clay. Well fuck you, Bobby. Maybe if it was every aspect of your goddamned life that Clay was ruining, you wouldn’t have such a buddy boner for the asshole. Honestly, I think Bobby was written almost as terribly as Juice was this season, though it wasn’t as glaringly obvious in every episode. If he wants to be the armchair quarterback, he can pick another sport to play, now that he stepped down from the V.P. role. There is no righteousness in brotherhood, Bobby, just a bunch of dicks and leather.

My final point, after the Bobby distraction, involves the future of Jax and Nero. Jax passes back his half of the money from the Dante deal, saying it’s still payback from Wendy’s rescue from the Irish, but Nero is insistent. Nero asks about the journals Jax writes for the boys, and Jax says he’s telling them the kind of things he can’t tell anyone else. (One would think he wouldn’t tell anyone else those things simply because they‘re lame as shit.) Jax tells Nero to buy his farm and not disappoint his kid, and Nero presents him with an offer. If he walks away, then Jax walks away. Deal? Not so, as Jax leaves without agreeing. If they explain away Jimmy Smits’ absence next year by saying Nero bought a fucking farm, I am going to be so pissed off.

What am I saying? I’m already pissed off because we have to wait nine months to find out anything that happens. And since this is more or less the first finale I’ve watched of any show this season, I have to put up with the fact that none of them are going to be as good as this one. Now Tuesday will just signify a new Mindy Project episode, which is the exact opposite of how I want that night to go. (Admittedly I do watch Mindy days later on Hulu.)

Thanks, readers, for sticking around with me for one of the grittiest seasons in the grittiest show on television. We’ll be ridin’ through the winter, spring, and summer not alone, but together, and with our souls intact, looking the world in the eye…Okay, I quit. See you next year!

One more R.I.P. for Opie. (pours a swig out of a 40 oz., then curses for doing it over the carpet)

Stuff That Fell Off the Back of the Bike

I think I would be more comfortable with being paper cut all over my torso rather than listen to the song from the opening montage scene again.

I like in the first scene how, in the shadows, Clay’s coffee cup matched his blacked-out forearms. He now has the option of easy accessorizing, though it’ll probably be harder to do behind bars. Oh wait, the bars match!

There was the obvious risk of Pope immediately shooting Tig before Jax could set his plan in motion, and I like to think this is part of the reason Jax went through with this plan. Tig’s impulsive decisions have brought straight misery to the club, and some of those demons may have been silenced with his death. But on they scream, since he still walks among the living.

I have to wonder if Gemma actually did pack to go to Ireland, even if she knew Jax’s plan would somehow go through. I bet it felt like a waste of time, unless she just put old newspapers in the suitcases. Does Gemma know what a newspaper is?

“You looking for me?”
“No, I’m here for in vitro counseling.”
In case you’re a bank robber unable to get into a bank vault without explosives, Gemma’s acidic wit would be a fine substitute.

I’m not sure I really like the beyond cartoonish way Chucky’s character is being handled, but it’s been interesting. His change from rhyme schemes to French dialect was caused by Gemma’s threat to sell his hands on Ebay if he rhymed again. His “2-fingered Pierre” nickname gives me the chuckles.

With Jax’s kiss on Juice’s forehead, this show officially has the most platonic male-on-male action in TV.

“You give me way too much credit. I ain’t Pope.” Though Jax says this mainly because August hypothesizes that he’s just as smart as it takes to have concocted this whole plan, I hope Jax realizes how true his words are. Though he may not be immediately capable of burning someone’s child to death in front of them, Jax would also never be able to run the multi-headed life of organized crime that Pope had. And I bet Jax wouldn’t buy black kids ice cream, either.

What was up with that homeless woman Jax saw talking to that stuffed animal in the dumpster? I thought I recognized the actress, and figured she’d show up at some later point, but she didn’t.

There were a lot of vicious murders this season, but tonight may have been my favorite. (Had the snowglobe shattered when Jax killed that prison guard, this would be a different story.) When in the middle of the SAMCRO/Dante’s gang scuffle, a man’s head is shoved into a big bucket of nails. And when he’s pulled back up, there are over a dozen nails embedded in his face! Some went all the way in so the nail’s head was flush with his skin, and there was barely any blood, making it even more unlikely than the intact snowglobe. But there was something so invigorating about watching a guy get his ass whipped, seeing a bucket of nails, and then cheering wildly as the two came together. It’s the image I’ll hold dear till next season.
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