While I’m definitely behind the idea of FX’s Sons of Anarchy going the prequel route in the future, my attention has now shifted to wishing for a spinoff series centered on the pornographic output of Red Woody, Inc. “Playing with Monsters” opens with the elaborately constructed resuscitation scene from Skankenstein, which is one of the greatest things this series has ever given us, but this half-nude abomination is not one of the “monsters” the title is referring to. Of course, almost everyone on this show is some kind of a creature.

“I’m sure we can all work together to keep Charming safe and profitable for everyone.”

Sheriff Jarry is quite the mysterious lady, as she makes it very clear in this episode that she is willing to bend the rules in order to keep SAMCRO from piling bodies up around town. (Little does she know they’re already doing it.) She has a little sit-down with them and not only expresses her interest in working together, but also turns her flirtatious powers on Chibs. The two meet in a parking garage, and although I’m sure Chibs wishes a little Deep Throat was involved, the only outcome is an exchange of intel and money. Pretty sure we can expect Jarry to take a Scottish egg in the mouth in the next week or two.

sons of anarchy

”I can handle my shit.”

Season 7 of Sons of Anarchy centers on Jax’s seemingly impulsive plan to stand atop his gangster pedestal while everyone else is in an all-out war beneath him. Last week, his sights were set on Lin and the Chinese. This week, he’s got one angry eye on August Marks and the other on the One-Niners. August fucked up by talking to Jax like a minion one too many times, demanding trust and making it clear that he, not his deceased employer Pope, is the deadliest black dude around. He straight up tells Jax that he wouldn’t feel remorse if he had to kill him and the Sons. When has a tactic like that ever won anybody any friends?

So Jax hits up One-Niner leader Tyler as a tag team partner in all of this mess. In order to turn his back on August, Tyler needs another drug and gun supplier, as well as someone to put an end to a One-Niner splinter group started by someone who obviously couldn’t wait around to climb the ladder to success. Sayyy, that sounds like something SAMCRO can do with their hands tied behind their back. But no one’s hands are tied, and the Sons put a quick and bullet-riddled end to Tyler’s problems. As a way of tying up all the ends and drawing out dissidents, there’s a fake meet set up for any One-Niners who want to get out from under Tyler’s rule.

Nero and the Mayans think that the offshoot Niners are interested in stealing their guns, thanks to Barosky’s fake intel, so they’re the ones who show up at the planned meet-up and kill everyone. To cap all of this gang-warring off, SAMCRO and the Grim Bastards bust into one of Lin’s massage parlors posing as Niners, beating the shit out of the clients inside. It’s a very complicated situation.

sons of anarchy

"Give my best to Jax."

The real wild card at this point is Jury, whose son was killed last week. He knows SAMCRO was involved, but he doesn't seem like he's going to take an impulsive path to revenge. For one, he removed his son's body from the scene, as well as the shotgun he can link to Jax. We're only with him for a short time, as Bobby calls to retroactively ask Jury about any info regarding his son and the buddy, but there's a too-tired look in his eyes that makes me wary of how he's going to handle things. He's got that shotgun just a little too close at all times.

”Jesus Christ, you dumb bastard.”

I bet the description under Juice’s high school yearbook picture said “Most Likely to Fuck up a Great Situation and Ruin Everything He Ever Loved and Held Dear.” His big plan this week is to contact Chibs under false pretenses, who has shown him compassion in the past, to offer up one last plea for forgiveness. He also wants to know if the club voted on Mr. Mayhem or if Jax is coming at him solo. Whatever the case, Chibs wants nothing to do with him, and so Juice is once again out on his own. This is to say, with Unser, Gemma and Wendy still looking out for him. Previews for next week show him talking to some very unsavory people, and I don’t know how long I can take his continued ability to breathe. SAMCRO needs to take care of him before the cops put out an APB, so expect some harshness to go down. Just like every week, for every plotline.

See you next week, crow eaters.

Things That Fell Off the Back of the Bike

Seriously, somebody get Skankenstein on DVD. Or even a ratty VHS.

“You’re a little early. 12 Inches a Slave don’t shoot until this afternoon.”

With all of the craziness that this show has delivered, the fate of Gemma’s birds is last on my list of worries.

Always hang a sock on the door, Rat.

Was there a point to having that girl’s dad show up? Was it just to give Nero and Jax a way of blowing off some steam? Or maybe having Gemma get backhanded was a way of giving Tara-mourning audience members something to cheer about.

“Hey, Mom. ‘Sup?” Jax answering the phone that way would immediately assume the worst.

“What about the Chinese? Would they have any reason to want to hurt your club?”
“Not that I know of. I’m a very big fan of their food.”

I can’t be the only one who got nostalgic for Lassie when Nero said, “There’s trouble at the docks.”

Hey Juice, you should have known wearing your cut to meet with Chibs was only going to piss him off, since he doesn’t see you as part of SAMCRO anymore. It’s an insult, bro. You might as well have worn a shirt with a picture of Chibs’ mom getting reamed by Hitler.

“If I were you, I’d get that gun, put it in my mouth, and pull the trigger.” BOOM! I almost felt bad for Juice then, and then again when Chibs wouldn’t look him in the eye when Juice said, “I love you.” Maybe I accidentally snorted some estrogen while watching.

How palpable was the sexual tension once Jarry showed Chibs her scar? I’m surprised it didn’t set off a car alarm.

The biggest mystery of the episode: Who ate the cake that Gemma brought for that girl’s dad?

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