If this is the writers’ way of apologizing for a fairly tepid season, then apology accepted! The season finale of Desperate Housewives ended with some pretty shocking and very unpredictable twists. Up until a few episodes ago I would’ve said the show had gone drastically downhill from season 1 but I think anyone who saw the season finale can agree, the show finally found its edge and on top of that, they left off with quite few unanswered questions that will have us all eager for the start of Season 3.

So let’s recap for a bit because a lot happened.

The episode begins with Mary Alice narrating as always but in this case, she’s flashing back to the years when she first met her friends. We get to see Susan with a ridiculous perm (it seriously looked like a clown wig) and Lynette when she first found out she was pregnant with the twins. When Mary Alice first met Bree it was after Andrew (then, a child) stole a ceramic frog off Mary Alice’s Lawn. Bree and Rex made Andrew recite a speech about how his act was wrong and not to allow it to affect her perception of Bree and Rex as parents. Bree actually mouthed the words as Andrew was reciting it. A bit scary but a perfect post-intro to what Bree and Rex were all about (and definitely explains a lot about Andrew’s defiance). All of these flashbacks are taking place during the episode but that’s the gist of it.

Now instead of recapping by timeline I’ll break it down by household since it’ll definitely make more sense that way.

Zach decides to hit his grandfather up for money to pay for a lawyer for his dad. His stepfather proceeds to call Zach a wimp who doesn’t deserve his fortune and how does Zach respond? He kills his grandfather. In return for this gesture, his grandfather’s final facial expression is that of mild pride and perhaps a little relief. He seemed pleased to know there’s a bit of himself in his grandson. The second Zach learns that he’s inherited the fortune, he cuts his father loose by giving him the run around then ordering his man-servant to get him a new phone and fill up the lake. Wow, Zach. You’re almost unrecognizable from the timid, confused boy you were last season. I gotta say, I wasn’t a big Zach-drama fan at all but now I’m intrigued by him. I hope the writers have a story for him next season!

Gabrielle is told by the police that Carlos is dead. As it turns out, the police thought the dead man was Carlos because he paid their gardener to take his place doing roadside clean up for community service. So really its the gardner, carrying Carlos' ID who is dead. She comes rushing home and tells Xiao Mei that Carlos is dead, and Xiao Mei responds by begging Gabrielle not to kill him. After Gabrielle realizes the mix-up she wonders what Xiao Mei meant. She goes with Xiao Mei to the doctors and asks the doctor to check to see if Xiao Mei is still “intact” (wondering if the girl cashed in her V-card). The doctor examines her and gives Gabrielle the thumbs down. Gabrielle then makes it her mission to catch Carlos and Xiao Mei. She sets up baby monitors everywhere and at first all she hears is Carlos eating Xiao Mei’s food.

It looks like she thinks that might be the only thing Carlos is keeping from her but when she’s over visiting Lynette, she hears Carlos over Lynette’s monitor (which just happens to be picking up their frequency). It’s obvious that he and Xiao Mei are getting it on. She confirms this by going to the garage and peeking in the window to see them half dressed and on top of each other in the car.

Gabrielle responds to this by ordering Xiao Mei to help her throw Carlos’ things off the balcony. Carlos tries to claim that this was somehow payback for when Gabrielle cheated on him. She screams to him that she cheated because he was never around and that she told him he could have meaningless sex with someone, not sleep with the mother of their child. She definitely has some good points there. Xiao Mei asks if she can leave and Gabrielle makes it clear that as long as she’s carrying her baby, she’s the boss of her. She’s not getting off that easily (pun partially intended). Xiao Mei looks seriously disturbed by this.

On to Lynette. Lynette takes the kids away and plans to stay with their mother. One of the boys breaks his arm and Tom meets them at the hospital where he tells her that he really isn’t cheating on her. He explains that he had a one-night-stand with this woman years ago (before he and Lynette met) and that he has an 11-year-old daughter that he never knew about. Hence all the trips to Jersey. So Lynette is mad at first but then relieved. They all return to Wisteria Lane. Tom and Lynette agree to have the lady come to the house with her daughter.

The woman (Nora) shows up without the daughter. She tells Tom and Lynette that she wants back pay for child support. They owe something like thirty thousand dollars. Tom and Lynette crunch the numbers and end up dipping into their retirement to pay the lady. Nora goes to Tom and Lynette’s house and tells them she signed the waiver so they don’t have to pay child support but that she used the money they gave her for down payment on a house 5 minutes away from them and that they’re all a family now. Looks like Lynette's season three challenge will be dealing with this Nora woman and her kid.

Mrs. Applewhite is picked up by the police just as she’s trying to leave Wisteria Lane. The police show her pictures of the girl who was killed (that we all thought Caleb killed). Mrs. Applewhite notices that Matthew’s jacket is draped over the dead girls body. She realizes that it wasn’t Caleb who killed the girl, it was Matthew. This is confirmed in a flashback where the girl tries to break up with Matthew. She tells him to meet her at the lumber yard. Caleb shows up there first and attempts to hit on her. She laughs at him and puts him down. He knocks her out and leaves. Matthew finds her and the girl comes to. She tries to fix things with Matthew but when he won’t have it, she threatens to go to the police. He beats her to death with a stick and then covers her with the jacket.

Susan got a motor home to live in with Julie while the house was being rebuilt. Mike and her are clearly doing well because Mike is at the jewelry store buying an engagement ring when Karl comes in. Karl learns that Mike is going to propose so he decides to buy Susan a house. Mike and Karl end up brawling on the front lawn of Susan’s new house. The fight results in Mike getting a chipped tooth.

Mike goes to Orson (Susan’s dentist friend) on Susan’s referral. When he’s there the dentist recognizes the work Mike’s had done on his teeth as the work of a prison dentist. He explains that when dentists are in school they practice on prisoners. Mike mentions that he did serve time for a while. He says he thought Orson looked familiar to which Orson seems to get nervous and then fibs about where he got his degree. The conversation turned from casual dentist-patient talk to just awkward. Why Orson was lying to Mike, I dont know but something was definitely weird about the whole thing.

Susan finds out about Mike’s plan to propose but Mike says he doesn’t want to get engaged if she’s still tied to Karl. Susan eventually talks to Karl and gets him to agree to a divorce. She then sets up a romantic evening in her motor home so that she can propose to Mike. Karl knows about it and he seems to accept it.

Mike is on his way to meet Susan (she had the motor home parked in some remote wooded area) and as he’s crossing the street holding the ring, a car comes out of nowhere and hits him. Mike goes up over the windshield, over the roof and rolls off the back of the car. At first I thought it was Zach on some crazy rampage but then we see the driver and it turns out to be Orson (the dentist!).

Here is what happened with Bree. She’s at the psychiatric center and seems to be trying to relax. While in the visiting lounge she runs into Orson, the dentist that Susan dated briefly. He’s there visiting a friend. Another patient tells Bree that the friend he’s visiting doesn’t seem to hear him but that Orson comes in all the time and talks to her for hours. Bree goes to her therapy session but its clear she’s not ready to deal with things because she lies to her therapist about how things are with her kids. She checks her messages on her machine and hears a message from Mrs. Applewhite saying that Danielle may be in danger because it appears Matthew beat his last girlfriend to death.

Bree tries to tell her therapist that she has to go because her daughter is in danger. Her therapist, thinking she’s crazy (duh) has her restrained. We see Danielle and Matthew in some motel room arguing about money and being hungry. Danielle says there’s money in her mom’s safe and they should go try to get it. Bree goes to her next therapy session and says she’d like to be honest and all that. She then throws a zen-garden (a wooden box with sand) at the therapist and makes a break for it. As the guards come bursting in, Bree sneaks out. Orson (visiting his “friend” again) sees this but says nothing to the guards.

Matthew and Danielle try to get into the safe but the combination was changed. Matthew goes over to his mother’s house to get the sledge hammer. He runs into his mother there and she calls him out on his murdering that girl and blaming it on Caleb. Matthew takes something out of his mother’s purse, takes the sledgehammer and leaves. Mrs. Applewhite goes for the phone.

Matthew bangs the safe open with the sledgehammer and they pull out stacks of cash. As they’re leaving, Bree walks in. Danielle tries to tell her mom that she can’t stop her from leaving with Matthew. Bree calmly explains to Danielle that Matthew killed that girl. Danielle tries to brush this off as her mom lying to get her to say. Matthew tries to leave with Danielle but Bree stands in front of the door. Matthew pulls a gun out (this is what he took from his mother’s purse) and points it at Bree. Danielle tells him to put the gun down. Bree doesn’t flinch. She looks Matthew dead in the eye and orders Danielle to get out of the house. Danielle just keeps begging Matthew to put the gun down. Bree begins to walk towards Matthew and he goes to pull the trigger. Then there is a pop. It is the sound of broken glass.

Danielle and Bree look to the window to see a clean hole shot through it. They look back at Matthew just in time to see him fall. There was no gunshot sound because the shot came from a sniper rifle. Mrs. Applewhite had called the police and they came in full force and were outside the house. There is sort of a pause and then Bree hugs Danielle and she just lets go with the screaming while staring down and Matthew’s body. He was shot clean through the heart.

After this, a day or two later, Orson knocks on Bree’s door and greets her with flowers. Boy, she sure does have bad luck with men! Since Rex she’s dated a psychopath murdering pharmacist, a sex addict who slept with her son and now a murdering dentist. You sure can pick’em Bree!

We’re left to wonder: Why did Orson hit mike with the car? What was the deal in the dentist office? Was Orson a student-dentist in the prison Mike was at and if so, what happened to make Orson want to kill Mike after he’d made that connection? Is Mike dead?! Will Bree and Danielle be able bond over what happened with Matthew? What will happen with Zach now that he’s rich and powerful?

And the final question: Where was Edie during all of this? I guess we can assume that she was in the hospital the whole time recovering from the bee-stings. Someone get the girl some Benadryl!

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