TV Recap: Hell's Kitchen - 13 Contestants Compete

By Steve West 2009-08-05 00:05:00 discussion comments
TV Recap: Hell's Kitchen - 13 Contestants Compete image
I like to grab my meat firmly, tee frickin’ hee. As tonight’s episode starts up Ramsay tells the contestants that they need to work better as a team. Personally I just think they need to work better as cooks first, then we can worry about teamwork later. Chef Ramsay forces the contestants to pair up, most often with their arch nemesis on the show, in order to make a perfect sausage. New fact: Ramsay prefers a nice six inches. Who says Gordon Ramsay isn’t an average fellow?

More than what happened during the competition I’m wondering exactly how many cock references are going to appear in recaps throughout the web. I’m not above such puerile humor, so look elsewhere for insightful sausage making commentary. The ladies appear to be at a disadvantage because none of them have experience making sausage. But as the challenge begins it becomes clear that these ladies really know how to handle meat products. Surprisingly the team of Suzanne and Tennille produces some quickly made and decent quality items for Ramsay’s approval. Robert and Jim are the only pair that cannot produce a single strand of sausages for contention. Girls win and are treated to a day of sausages and beer that doesn’t include guys wearing only a bowtie. The boys are given the yearly task of cleaning the dorms.

Now let’s take a quiet moment to sit down with our old friend Robert. The mountain of a man has what can only be described as a tweeny hissy fit. When confronted about not producing any sausage he flips out, and then we get more of his confessional where he talks about being put down his entire life. Look, you un-jolliest of giants, I feel for your lifelong plight. I have no doubt people put you down and kicked you emotionally. But sous chef Scott had it right, you need to show the fight and passion in the kitchen where it matters. I rooted for you last season, but you still have to earn the right to win this show. Either do so and shut up about it, or don’t…and shut up about it.

During prep for the fourth night of service Dave is called upstairs for a phone call with the doc. He’s told that due to the fracture he’ll need an arm length cast that will prohibit his thumb from moving. Dave discusses his options with chef Ramsay and ends up deciding to try and stick it out with only one hand. Not being his dominant hand he’ll be able to do a lot of kitchen tasks, but at some point very soon this is going to be an issue.

Tonight’s dinner promised celebrity diners. Did I miss a memo where chef Ramsay became irrelevant in the food game? Tom Green, John O’ Hurley, Dwight Freeney, Drew Lachey, and Kristy Swanson took time out from charging $20 for an autograph on the street corner next to the guy selling oranges to grace the Hell’s Kitchen stage. No word on where Eagle Eye Cherry might have been, but I’m betting on being dead. They certainly couldn’t be any more inconsequential.

And now cooking fans, we cry. Kevin puts up some impeccable fish, so bravo for him. Keep watching because Kevin and Van are competitors. By which I obviously mean that they don’t cock up everything they touch during service. Andy has some struggles. By which I obviously mean that…what in the frickin’ hell is going on? That had to be an editing thing where the show makes Andy look worse than what was reality. Right? One lamb, two lamb, three lamb, four lamb…I’m not counting sheep. For what we’re to assume is a single table Andy keeps sending up improper product.

To be honest I thought the ladies were doing generally better tonight than the guys, despite Lovely’s deer in a headlights stare when chef Ramsay asks what is being put up. In the end it comes down to who finishes first with the guys just eeking out a win. A fact that Suzanne calls into question during the after service lineup. There’s no harm in trying, especially since you have to consider that Ramsay can only be in one kitchen at a time and if both teams send up the final table at the same time it simply comes down to where he’s standing.

Chef picks Sabrina as the strongest of the weak and tasks her with putting up two nominees. No surprise that Lovely is up again, it doesn’t even matter who stands next to her (hint: it’s Tek). Lovely is finally sent home as we all sigh with relief and wonder which of these incompetents are next.
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