Now that Sugar cut the head off the snake (that’d be Ace) last week, and those morons at Kota got rid of my man Dan. I’m seriously pissed about that…

The tribes are sensing a merge. Over at Kota, Suzie gets a verbal beating for attempting to vote for Corinne. Corrine puts on a power trip about her youth and vigor, making Suzie look like an old decrepit woman. Maybe this is the 31 year old me talking, but seriously, she’s only 47. It’s not like she’s ancient or anything.

Over at Fang, Matty is trying to figure out how his ally was backdoored, and is begging Crystal to give him a fresh start. The FOUR members of Fang are trying to figure out a way they can overpower the 6 members of Kota should the merge occur before the next tribal.

Corinne is a total bitch, quite frankly. I can’t stand her and her Superman boyfriend Marcus and his gay boyfriend Charlie. Weirdest-Threesome-Ever! Randy has it all planned out that they are going to smoke out the Fang foursome first, and then go after each other. Corinne has other plans, wonder if she’s going to let them all in on it.

When the tribes get their tree mail, there is an invitation within. They all get a massive meal, and a present that they can’t open till the end. Under said present, is a clue that Kenny spies out first, but when Charlie sees it, he decides to share it with everyone. Nice. Randy and Marcus decide to find it as a group and set it sail in the water. In under a minute Randy finds it, and lays it on the table, offering it to whoever wants it. No one wants to touch it, because it hurts their chances with the tribe. I’ve got to say that I am beginning to hate everyone on this show.

Randy declares himself King of Gabon, and he is ever more frequently reminding me of Jack from Lord of the Flies. Marcus takes equal credit for the idol situation, and they are both so arrogant I just want to hit them.

Rather than a merge, each person draws a stone from a bag and they are divided into two new tribes. Wow, that rocks. I love these little twists, and the constant change of who is with who. It really puts a new element in the game and prolongs the life of some nice people.

New Kota is Crystal, Bob, Marcus, Suzie, and Kenny. And New Fang is Randy, Corinne, Charlie, Matty and Sugar . Marcus and Randy both feel completely safe because the second incarnation of Kota has 3 people in each tribe. The Onion Alliance is long forgotten, thank the Lord!

A weird chance event takes place when Marcus and Crystal have a chat about their lives outside of the game – and they find out that her cousin is one of Marcus’ best friends. He is torn and wants to protect her because of this, and they form an alliance in their new tribe. Marcus seems to take it very seriously, but Crystal had her fingers crossed when she did the pinky swear with him.

At the new Fang, Matty tells Sugar she was wrong to go along with the backdooring of Ace, because Kenny totally lied to her. They decide to stick together and since there is only 2 of them, they’d better!

Suzie confronts Marcus about her spot in the Kota 6, and tries to make a power play to vote with Kenny & Crystal. Let this be a lesson to the Golden Boy, Marcus. Should someone ask you where they stand in your alliance, you should make that number as close to #1 as you possibly can. Duh…

Randy kills me when he says there is a one in a million chance that Sugar is a secret rocket scientist, and she may have a hidden idol. I freaking love that she does! If she plays her cards right, she could totally get rid of someone who thinks their spot is in the bag.

Immunity is typical – don’t move your arms, or you are out. Crystal is out first, and Probst mentions that if you win, your whole tribe wins. That’s a pretty sweet deal, but someone is going to get the raw end of the deal on this one. All of the girls but Corinne drop out early, but when Randy goes, so does she. Kenny “drops a pole”, and I’m wondering if he’s ever really had one up before? It’s down to Bob and Matty – who’d have thunk that Bob would be in still?

Matty looks solid, and Bob looks like a contortionist trying to keep his poles up (I’m fighting the urge for a Viagra joke…), and Bob loses it first.

It’s a miracle – Fang wins a challenge! Oh, and it’s not pronounced Faw-ng anymore, it’s Fay-ng now. I hate you Corinne!

Earlier Suzie threatened Marcus because he wouldn’t give her a guarantee of her spot, but she is now ready to vote out Crystal or Kenny. It looks like it’s going to be Kenny, because Marcus likes Crystal too much. Marcus tells Crystal she can have Suzie’s spot in the Kota 6 if she lets Kenny go – he swears Suzie will be next. He tells Suzie the exact opposite, and it’s impossible to know who he is being sincere with this time.

Tribal is typical, and Probst grills everyone about their game play. It all hinges on Suzie, and she seems dumb enough to throw all her eggs in Marcus’ basket. Not reproductively, of course! Bob admits that he wishes they would’ve kept Dan and gotten rid of Suzie when he had the chance. Kenny confronts Marcus on his spot in the scheme of things, and Suzie claims she made a decision. What will it be?

Next week, on Survivor – just kidding! Bob & Marcus vote Ken. Ken and Crystal vote Marc-Ace and Suzie votes – I don’t know. Probst tallies the votes, reads ‘em off, and it’s MARCUS. For real! Suddenly, I L-O-V-E Suzie! You should have seen his face. It was freaking fabulous!

So the question is, What about Bob? What happens next for the nutty professor? Tune in next week to find out!

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