TV Recap: The Amazing Race- I Wonder If They Like Blondes in New Zealand?

Boy, am I glad this weekend has been uneventful! Believe me. After a hospital stay, four midterms, and a eating and drinking my way around EPCOT, a boring Sunday night watching television sure hits the spot. First I’d like to thank Kelly for covering my recap last week. If it wasn’t for her, I still wouldn’t know who went home. My Tivo decided to cancel its scheduled recording after about 48 seconds into the race. That was almost enough time for me to figure out that Team Geek was a goner.

I got another tangent. I’m really getting tired of CBS and The Amazing Race never starting on time. I’m an old man. The show is starting almost forty-five minutes late on the east coast. 60 Minutes is showing a damn story about matadors. Meet the Press gets Colin Powell while 60 Minutes fighting a bull while wearing sequins. How the mighty has fallen. Enough of my whining and complaining I guess. On to the Race.

We are down to 8 teams which definitely makes it a bit easier to keep up with what the hell is going on. This week starts with the teams resting in Bolivia after the pit stop. Also the damn girl drama between Kelly/Christy and Nick/Starr continues. Oh for God’s sake, just have a dance off and end sports bra-gate.

The teams leave the pit stop and head to the airport for a flight to Auckland, New Zealand. Once there, they must drive to Gulf Harbor to untie a big arse not to get the next clue. Every team seems ecstatic to head to the land of the Hobbits. Since it’s the middle of the night, the airport is closed. Most teams seem intelligent enough to have heard of this invention called the Internet and are trying to book flights online. Aja, though, thinks that waiting in line is better than instant booking and starts an argument with Ty. They patch it up before everyone boards the same flight so no harm done.

The plane lands, and every team darts for their car. Just in case I hadn’t remembered how much I hated Terence, he decides to remind me. “Sarah, can I have a little love, can you touch me? Can you play with my hair?” WTF dude, WTF! This episode seems to be about unity. Most of the teams seem to have issues with figuring out how to get to Gulf Harbor and need direction help or just decide to follow Ken and Tina. Aja and Ty’s car blew a tire and neither have ever changed a tire. Aja decides to start complaining and bitching at Ty again. I have to give him credit. He keeps his cool when she gets that way. He’s a better man than me. A nice man stops and helps Aja and Ty change their tire but they are in last place by a good amount.

Andrew/Dan and Ken/Tina are the first to get their knot undone and the next clue reveals that they are to drive to the summit of Mount Eden, a dormant volcano. The first of only two Fast Forwards is available at the summit. To win the Fast Forward, the teams must climb the tallest structure in the southern hemisphere, the Auckland Sky Tower. Both Andrew/Dan and Ken/Tina decide to make a push for the Fast Forward. Ken and Tina beat them there so Andrew and Dan head back.

For the teams not doing the Fast Forward, a Roadblock awaits. One option is to choose a pattern of a Maori Tattoo and find that matching tattoo on a warriors face. If they get it wrong, the warrior takes the clue and they have to start over. These guys are intimidating the hell out of Terence and it is cracking me up. He’s never been around this much testosterone in his life. I think he needs a major hug. Or a sports bra. Terence finally gets the tattoo right and gets the next clue. Sarah urges him to kiss the Maorian warrior to satisfy her girl man on real man fetish. Freak. Their clue sends them next to the City Life Hotel.While on top of the City Life Hotel, teams must spot a gnome with binoculars and then retrieve it to get their next clue.

It just occurred to me that somehow, someway, Marisa and Brooke are the last team to get to the knot. I’m not sure how far behind they are but Aja and Ty left when it was completely dark and it’s definitely morning now. I’m guessing a few hours? Unless something amazing happens, they are going home for sure. While most teams besides the Barbies are at Mount Summit or the City Life Hotel, Ken/Tina finally reachthe top of the Auckland Sky Tower. That thing was incredibly high. I’ll give them major props for reaching the tower top and grabbing the Travelocity gnome. They can now head to the pit stop.

After finding their gnomes, the teams, besides Ken and Tina, must drive to Kiwi 360 for the next clue. Things are looking grim for Marisa and Brooke. All other teams have completed the Mount Summit clue before they have even found it. They aren’t bright but they seem really nice. I just think they are hopefully behind now. Ken/Tina land at the pitstop by helicopter and win a 7 night Carnivale trip to Rio De Janiero.

Terence and Sarah are the first to arrive at Kiwi 360. The detour is a “Matter of Time” or a “Matter of Skill”. A “Matter of Time” makes the teams have to stomp enough kiwis with their bare feet to produce 12 quarts of juice. Then they have to each drink a glass to win the clue. “Matter of skill” makes the teams put together some kind of carts and then take three laps around the track. Not sure which one I’d choose but the first few teams head for the kiwis. Terence and Sarah and Toni and Dallas arrive around the same time. Terence/Sarah finish it pretty quickly. Toni/Dallas and Andrew/Dan give up trying to squish the kiwis after a bit and head for the carts.

To recap at this moment, Ken/Tina, Terence/Sarah, Kelly/Christy, and Toni/Dallas have all reached the pit stop. While Nick and Starr are on their carts, Starr begins to flip over and puts her arm down to brace herself. She’s crying and thinks she broke her arm but I’m pretty sure she didn’t since she eventually finishes the three laps. She’s crying and bleeding but for some reason, Nick lets her drive at first. What the heck, Nick? She eventually pulls over and lets him take the wheel and they reach the pit stop in 5th place. Andrew and Dan reach the pit stop in 6th place soon afterwards.

Aja/Ty give up on the kiwis and head to the carts while Marisa/Brooke arrive to the kiwis at about the same time based on the lighting. Aja continually puts the cart together wrong but they finally get the next clue. It’s pitch dark now when Aja/Ty check in but they are still in the race. Not surprisingly, Marisa/Brooke finish last. Either team could have went home this week and deserved it.

One thing I forgot to mention. Phil’s Dad was with him at the pit stop and the old bugger offered to give Marisa and Brooke a hug. Atta boy, Phil’s Dad, atta boy. It was funny to see Phil having that “Dad, you are embarrassing me” look. At least when my Dad embarrassed me, it wasn’t on national television. Don’t worry, Phil. As long as your named isn’t Terence, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.