TV Recap: The Amazing Race-My Nose Is On Fire

I’ve written a 20 page essay on Restoration period literature today. I have no ability to write a clever beginning so let’s just get started. (Jonathan Swift would be so disappointed in me).

Last week we got the first non-elimination leg so no team went home. The cynical side of me thinks these are used to save interesting teams (This year Ken and Tina) but they swear they are pre-determined. I’m not one to doubt the almighty Phil so I’ll take their word on it. The teams took their pit stop in New Dehli, India. Nick and Starr are the first team to depart and their clue tells them to head to the Deshbandhu Apartments to get their next clue. It’s nice to see a morning departure that doesn’t involve an immediate flight. Nick and Starr discuss in the cab how they are willing to tell small lies to get ahead. Foreshadowing perhaps? Karma? More sleeveless shirts? Next to depart were teams Kelly/Christy which I have deemed “Damaged Goods” and Toni and Dallas. Kelly/Christy talk about how they are now near the top while Toni talks about lovin her boy. Haha They are cool. While Terence/Sarah and Team Dandrew depart, Damaged Goods decide to act like bitchy high school girls and make fun of Dan and Andrew. Nice ladies. You are both in your thirties and you act like you are fifteen. The last team to depart was Ken and Tina.

The clue at Deshbandhu shows that a Roadblock is next. The Holy Festival is where a bunch of nuts throw powdered dye and water at each other. While surviving the assault, they must find a clue envelope that is hidden amongst thousands of fake clues. Okay, I’m all about culture but this is the stupidest thing I have ever seen. It’s sanctioned stupidity if you ask me. Since my wife is asleep, I find it time to admit that Starr isn’t bad looking. OW. Okay she was only pretending to sleep in my lap. That hurt. Haha. Nick and Starr finish the Roadblock before the next team, Toni and Dallas, even arrive. If you are wondering where team Damaged Goods is, they are lost. Again. Toni finishes and they leave just before Kelly starts. HAHAHA. I have never enjoyed anything so much in my life. They are completely attacking her with the paint and water. Within thirty seconds she is hit with more paint than the previous two teams combined. She is covered completely. She runs back to Christy to get bandanas to cover her face and then she takes off. Since she’s stupid, she doesn’t notice the clue says “Try again”. So she has to go back again. Terence/Sarah arrive and surprisingly, Terence mans up and says he’ll do it. Kelly continues to put women back fifty years by AGAIN not reading the clue as she grabs another “Try Again”. Terence grabs a correct clue just as Dan begins to search.

At first, the Indians are mesmerized by Dan’s nerdiness and didn’t attack but then they decided that his nerdiness must be stopped and they attack. Dan completes the task while Kelly brings YET ANOTHER EMPTY clue back. How have they made it this long? They are so stupid. They never read the clues and get lost every leg. Kelly falls down and starts throwing a fit saying she can’t do it. She reads the clue again and realizes she just needs to search for the right envelope. In another moment of hilarity, the paint assaulters attack both ladies as they finally get a correct clue. Ken and Tina arrive about the same time and Ken decides to do the task. The paint people attack Tina while she waits. Man I would be pissed if I was doing this challenge but it’s hilarious to watch. Kelly/Christy struggled to find a cabbie who would let them in a car so they end up leaving about the same time as Ken/Tina.

The next stop is the Charity Bird Hospital where they must find the next clue. Terence whines about paint in his nose while Toni talks about how proud she is of Dallas. Before going to the charity bird hospital, Ken and Tina are hit with the Speed Bump which is their punishment for finishing last on the previous leg. Before going to the bird hospital, they must give holy water to all the temple goers which could take a long time! It must have been quite the sight to see a couple of painted Americans to serve water to a bunch of Sikhs. After serving water, they now head back to the bird hospital.

The charity bird hospital is just filler time and not really much of a challenge. The clue teams get their points to a detour being next. Teams choose between Bleary Eyed and Teary Eyed. With Bleary Eyed, teams go to a specific street where the Dept of Power is located. They have to count tags and tell a man the number which will lead to the next clue. Teary Eyed makes teams carry two huge bags of chili beans about ¼ mile. Then they must mash the beans.

Teams choosing Bleary Eyed: Nick/Starr, Toni/Dallas, Kelly/Christy, Frat Boys, Ken/Tina Teams choosing Teary Eyed: Terence/Sarah

Nick/Starr and Toni/Dallas work together on Bleary Eyed and complete the task while Terence/Sarah choke on chili bean fumes. Bleary Eyed looks awfully meticulous but it’s much less grueling than the Teary Eyed detour. The next stop is the Pit Stop which is at Humayuns Tomb. The economy must be hitting CBS too. They never left New Dehli, India in this leg of the race. Nick/Starr and Toni/Dallas race to the pit stop in hopes of finishing first while Terence/Sarah lament their choice of detours.

Kelly/Christy and Dan/Andrew both are counting the WRONG numbers at the Bleary Eyed. It’s like the blind leading the blind. Neither team has any problem solving ability. This is good news for Ken/Tina hopefully catching up and not being eliminated. Have I mentioned that those idiots Kelly and Christy are not walking the street? They are still sitting in their motorcart? God I hate them.

Nick and Starr arrive as team number one and win a trip to Hawaii. Toni and Dallas finish second. Dang poor Mom and son haven’t won a trip yet. They are an awesome group of people though. Dan and Andrew again go through the street and count the wrong numbers. There is no clue who will lose. Ken/Tina arrive at some point and find the correct numbers quickly. I’m not sure if they are at the detour at the same time though. Kelly/Christy turn in the wrong numbers again while Ken/Tina get it done correctly and head for the pit stop. Finally, Kelly and Christy notice the correct little numbers and start counting the little numbers. Ken and Tina have mercy on Andrew/Dan and tell them what numbers to count correctly as they head to the pit stop.

Terence and Sarah finish their challenge and check into the pit stop 3rd. Andrew and Dan finish the challenge before Kelly/Christy do and head for the pit stop. Knowing their sense of direction, it could be any team to go home. Man I’m praying Kelly/Christy go home this week. Traffic is very bad for both teams and both teams are stressing. WOO HOO! Andrew and Dan check in as the 5th team. Bye bye evil wenches! While attractive on the outside, these ladies are horrible people (in the game at least) and I’m glad they are going home. Spirit fingers, everyone! See you next week!