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TV Recap: The Amazing Race- You're Gonna Get Me Killed
By Matt Norris: 2008-11-30 22:11:58
I hope everybody had a wonderful Thanksgiving. If you were like me, Thanksgiving with family was a breeze compared to my wife dragging me out at midnight for Black Friday sales THEN dragging me out again for the 5:00 am sales. I’d rather spend a week with Terrence than ever do that again. Now on to the show!
CBS has been hyping the heck out of one team losing their cash and passport. This better be legit and not one of these typically over hyped aspects of reality. If it’s legit, I’m pretty sure it will be Andrew and Dan or Ken and Tina. If it’s one of the other two teams, I’ll be stunned. Toni and Dallas depart first to find a retired Russian submarine. Once there, they must find the sonar room to get the next clue. Toni and Dallas draw a picture of a submarine and their cabbie seems to understand Ken and Tina depart 2nd and I’m not as confident that their cabbie understood their submarine drawing. It looked like a pornographic twinkie if you ask me. Nick and Starr depart 3rd while Andrew and Dan depart last. Don’t forget that Andrew and Dan have a “Speed Bump” to deal with since they finished last during the non-elimination leg last week. The first three teams all reach the submarine at the same time and begin searching for the Sonar room. Dallas finds the room first followed by Ken and Nick. The next clue sends the teams to Park Iskusstv that has Lenin’s tomb. Somewhere in the graveyard, teams will find their next clue. I’m not sure about you guys but when I write this stuff, I try to say it out loud just like Phil. I even practice my unnecessary eyebrow raises. Try it at home. It’s fun! Andrew and Dan arrive eventually and get their clue. The best part was when cars splashed mud puddles over both of them while they waited for a cab. Lucky for them, they got an English speaking cabbie though. Toni and Dallas ominously say the graveyard is downtown (Hell if I know!) but Nick and Starr arrive at the graveyard first. The next clue says it is a Roadblock. The other teams are still trapped in insane traffic and Tina of course starts complaining and suggests that Ken tell the cabbie to stop smoking. How about you do it, Tina! The Road Block makes the teams count the number of Lenin and Stalin statues in the park. Once they get to the numbers “ 6” and “2” they must make them form the number 62. Next, they must head to an antique bookstore. If they tell them the number 62, they can turn to page 62 in a certain book to find information about heading to the house of a famous Russian writer and they’ll get the next clue there. If they say the wrong number at the antique book store, they must wait 10 minutes before saying the correct number to the shop owner. Jeez. That was a mouth full. Do yourself a favor and just say “blah blah blah next clue” instead of everything I’ve written in this paragraph. I know I am. Nick does the roadblock for his team as Toni and Dallas arrive second. Oh no. Toni tells Dallas to take the packwith the money and the passport. No please don’t get eliminated. If that news wasn’t ominojs foreshadowing, we also get to see Andrew and Dan go 40 minutes in the wrong direction which is just par for the course for those idiots. Nick comes up with the 6 Lenins and 2 Stalins but he doesn’t know for sure if that is all there are. Tina bitches and moans about being cold and continues to be hateful. She has NO REDEEMING qualities God! She also mentions her passport so maybe my favorites, Toni and Dallas don’t get eliminated. Ken tells Tina he loves her but she ignores him. God, leave her right now Ken! In Karma news, Nick takes Ken and Tina’s cab which has GPS. Haha. Toni makes a comment that she isn’t sure if Dallas knows who Lenin and Stalin are. I’m thinking she’s right and should have done this roadblock. Dallas is completely wrong about the numbers of each statue so this is going to be a major mistake for them. Nick is on the right track and arrives at the book store and tells the owner the correct number. Dallas arrives at the bookstore and tells the owner the wrong number not once, but twice. That’s 20 minutes wasted at least and he’s NOWHERE near the right answer. Andrew decides to do the statue challenge and we see Dan hand him his wallet with his money. This episode is all about making us worry! Meanwhile back at the bookstore, Tina guesses wrong at t he bookstore and Dallas is still waiting to make another wrong guess. The next clue says you are to go find lady with a Shetland Pony at Sokol’niky Park. Only on the Amazing Race would I allow something like “Go find a lady with a Shetland Pony” slip by without a remark. Seriously, this isn’t the oddest thing I’ve seen on this show. Nick and Starr are so far ahead of the other teams that this trip report is going to be all over the place. They get their clue from Shetland Pony Lady and it is a Detour. The Detour is a choice between “Riding the Rails” and “Riding the Lines.” Trains or buses basically. I’ll spare you the multiple destinations but both choices get you to a final destination that presumably points the teams to the pit stop. Nick and Starr choose to “Ride the Rails” and head off while Andrew stares at statues. Can three teams get eliminated at once? Shockingly, Andrew pulls a smart move and decides to ask somebody for help. The guys points out the statues to Andrew and he’s off. Unfortunately, he guesses 61. Tina and Dallas put their heads together and realize that Dallas has his numbers wrong. Dallas guesses 63 and is wrong. Tina guesses 62 and is right. Dallas waits ten more minutes and says 62 after Tina tells him the answer. She’s way nicer to other people than she is to Ken. Tina gets the next clue and Ken gets upset that she helped Dallas which I don’t really blame. However, Dallas world is in much worse shape. He gets out of his taxi leaving his bag with money and passport in it. He realizes it quickly but it’s too late. The cab is gone. Dallas goes to the clue box. He tells his mom the bad news as Dan can barely hide his excitement as he waits for Andrew to arrive. Dan is a freaking jackass but I don’t blame him. They screw up so much that he deserves a break. Toni and Dallas start walking up and down the street trying to find a way to get money to get their passports. I really am having a hard time keeping up with all the info since all the teams are so spread apart. Nick and Starr are still on the rails while the other teams head to the Shetland Pony Lady. Toni and Dallas possibly make another mistake when, after getting money from some nice Russians, they decide to ride the subway to get to the park. The other teams take a taxi but I’m not sure if that matters yet. Nevermind. It matters. They are sent back to take a taxi. Ken and Tina find the pony and decide to Ride the Lines. Andrew and Dan are hit with their speed bump and have to dance their way out of this. Dan continues his idiot ways and has the rhythm of a one legged dog. Toni and Dallas find some nice people who give them money to get back. It’s looking really bad for my favorite team. They haven’t made any mistakes so far but today’s screw ups are really bad. This is crazy to follow so I’m streamlining it. At this time on the show, Nick/Starr are still on the rails, Ken/Tina got on the wrong bus, Andrew/Dan finally finish their dancing and head to the Shetland Pony, and Toni/Dallas are grabbing a cab back to the park to meet the Shetland Pony Lady again. Nick and Starr finally complete the detour and head by foot to VDNKh Park which is the pit stop for this leg. They reach it in “CBS” seconds and win another trip. Ken and Tina get on the right bus and get to the key maker first followed by Andrew and Dan. Toni and Dallas are in last place definitely and decide to ride the lines but they have to ask for money to do it. God that sucks. They have to beg for money every time they complete a task. Andrew and Dan arrive at the pit stop in 2nd place in a stunning turn of events! Ken and Tina arrives just after them but forgot to get the last clue. They head back to find it but Toni and Dallas are gone for sure. No amount of editing is going to convince me otherwise. Phil heads out to find Toni and Dallas to let them know they are eliminated. God I feel bad for this team. Dallas feels so bad but his mom isn’t mad at him. Phil and I almost teared up because of this team. Ugh dang Thanksgiving has made me a softy. There you have it. The final three teams are Nick and Starr, Ken and Tina, and Andrew and Dan. Nick and Starr and Ken and Tina both bought a major break with Toni and Dallas’s mistake. Mistakes are crippling this late in the race. Regardless, it will take an act of God, nature, or Barack Obama to help Andrew and Dan to win this race. I don’t think a team this bad has ever made it to the final episode. Can you imagine if Team Superbad won this thing? Neither can Phil. Until next week!
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