Before diving into the plot of tonight’s episode of True Blood, I think we should address the question likely to be on all of our minds, first. Who would win in a battle to the death: The dirty, old doll that’s haunting Hoyt and Jessica or the Marie Osmond Adora Belle Freida Fright Doll that Tommy and Maxine were checking out on the shopping channel?

Joking aside, is there a connection between the old doll that Hoyt and Jessica can’t seem to get rid of, and Mrs. Fortenberry’s fixation on dolls? Honestly, as much as she dislikes Jessica, something tells me the woman’s not bright enough to engage in the kind of psychological warfare that involves repeatedly forcing an old doll on a person. So we’ll leave that mystery as unsolved for now. In the meantime, the creepy doll was given as a gift to Arleen’s new baby, who took to the thing rather well and has yet to pull its head off.

Moving on to more pressing matters…

I know I’m a vampire, Snookie!
Eric knows he’s a vampire and he has a vague memory of being mentally invaded and emptied by a coven of witches. Other than that, he’s a blank slate. Sookie’s in the process of trying to figure out what to do with him and is letting him stay at her/his house.

This thing with Eric seems like a great set-up for a romantic relationship between him and Sookie. There’s too much bad blood between Sookie and Eric for the two to jump into a believable relationship together. It wouldn’t make sense for her to suddenly forget that she hates him and fall for him over night. But Eric’s sort of like a lost puppy, now. Everything that makes him sneaky and evil is gone. While he’s obviously taken an interest in Sookie’s scent, I’m thinking at some point Sookie’s going to stop looking at him as the evil Eric that’s been trying to get her blood and as a possible romantic option. Eric being less than the Eric she’s half-despised/half-desired makes him a viable option for a new vampire boyfriend, if only temporarily.

Killing Sookie’s fairy godmother might throw a wrench in that idea though. When Claudette showed up to try to lure Sookie away, taking credit for being behind-the-scenes to some of Sookie’s near-death experiences, Eric pounced on her and drank her dry. Considering Sookie had been in the process of telling Claudette to get lost, I’m thinking she might find it in herself to forgive Eric for his little slip-up.

Pam’s determined to figure out a way to get Eric back. She crossed a line when she threatened Sookie though, prompting Eric to throw her across the room and inspire a laugh-worthy moment as Pam got up and returned to continue the conversation in a much politer tone. Amnesia or not, Eric’s still her maker and he still calls the shots.

Business-Friend With Benefits
I like King Bill. He’s far less broody and in some ways, more friendly, despite having to occasionally put vampires to death.

Part of Bill’s job as King of Louisiana is dealing with the problems caused by other vampires. I remember a time when he was on the other side of the table and, after killing a vampire, he was forced to make a new vampire (Jessica). A death for a death seemed like a fair penalty at the time. Bill’s approach to law enforcement is much harsher. When a video of a vampire feeding on a human made its way onto YouTube, Bill sentenced the vampire to death. Perhaps in a pre-Russell world, he would’ve gotten a slap on the wrist. Loss of fangs for a while might’ve straightened that vampire out, but with the PR troubles going on, harsher measures must be taken.

Bill took time out from ruling the state to give Jessica advice when she admitted to feeding on another human. He urged her to confess what she did to Hoyt. Jessica took the advice, but when Hoyt got upset, she glamoured him to undo the confession.

The last we saw of Bill, he was bedding Portia, his business friend who proposed a casual, sexual relationship. Interestingly enough, Bill refused to feed on her while he was having sex with her. Perhaps that was too intimate for him, or maybe he just has no interest in her blood. He also said flat out that there was no way he could love her. “One needs a young heart to take the leap that love requires of us. And my heart, like every other part of me, is no longer young.”

Is he saying he never loved Sookie? I don’t believe that. I think he did and I think he still does.

Ambitious Witch
Marnie wasn’t aware that she gave Eric amnesia. All she knew was that she was used for a conduit for something and she wants another taste. When she was alone, she cut her wrist numerous times, offering her blood as a sacrifice in exchange for more power. The begging didn’t work, but she didn’t see the mysterious-looking woman sitting in the room with her. I’m thinking she’ll be getting her wish soon enough, though she might have to pay for it with more than just a few drops of blood.

Lafayette’s justifiably concerned over what might happen to him, Jesus and Tara if Eric gets a hold of them. Lafayette’s been on the receiving end of Eric’s wrath and he wants nothing to do with whatever punishment Marnie gets for what she did to the vampire. When he tries to find Eric to sort the situation out, Pam nearly kills him, but is stopped by Tara and Jesus. It seems like they’re all on the same page in trying to smooth this situation over and get Eric back to normal if it means none of them dying in the process.

Ghost Daddy
Jason’s in the process of being turned into a werepanther or what Crystal’s people are calling the “Ghost Daddy,” which is part of their legends. After being drugged with Mexican Viagra, Crystal had her way with him while her whole family watched and Jason screamed at her that she wasn’t worth all of the trouble she’s caused him.

In other news
Tommy’s going to try to sell Mrs. Fortenberry’s house to a man looking to optain the natural gas lease rights. He mentioned the scam to his brother but Sam shot it down, telling him he better tell Hoyt’s mother what he was up to. Something tells me Tommy isn’t going to do that.

Alcide is back with Debbie, who’s cleaned up and looking to make amends with Sookie. Sookie seemed less than convinced by it and left Alcide. I’m not entirely sure why she thought Alcide was a good choice to look after Eric, other than she thought maybe it would be better for Eric to be with someone whom he wouldn’t want to feed off of, but I’m thinking only bad things would come from an amnesiac-vampire shacked up with a werewolf. Still, we got to see Alcide again, so that’s something.

Andy’s falling apart without Jason to keep him in line. He’s using V and freaking out at the drop of a hat. Sam witnessed a V-ed up Andy when the sheriff stopped by and started waving his gun around, picking a fist-fight and complaining about trash and trees.

Wake Up, America, before we’re all dead! (“Seriously!”)
The website shown in the youtube video in tonight’s episode is a real site. You can go to Vamps-Kill.com to check it out.

"You've reached the voicemail of Jason Stackhouse. If this is an emergency, dial 9. 1. 1... and ask for me."

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