Watch Badger Pitch A Gory Star Trek Script During Breaking Bad's 'Blood Money'

By Kelly West 2013-08-12 07:56:26 discussion comments


Last night's episode of Breaking Bad wasn't all about revelations and throw downs. Oh, there was plenty of that, and if you haven't seen the Season 5.5 premiere, "Blood Money," yet, I'd advise skipping this text as it does contain some vague plot references. But go ahead and enjoy the video above, as it gives very little away beyond Jesse's blank stare, which you can chalk up to too many bong hits if you want. The meat of the video above focuses on Badger's brilliant Star Trek script idea, which takes a very gory turn. Seriously, has there been a nastier pie-eating contest scenario since "Lardass" blew chunks all over his haters in Stand By Me, resulting in the greatest barf-a-rams of all time? Badger has given Gordie a run for his money in pie eating contests gone wrong, that's for sure!

The scene begins with Skinny Pete making the point that people who are transported are reconstructed copies of their former selves. I'm with Skinny Pete in this, as I've already stated firmly that I'll never time travel or teleport for that very reason, should the opportunity ever arise.

"So you're telling every time Kirk went into the transport, he was killing himself?" Badger asks, incredulously. "So, over the whole series there was like 147 Kirks."

"At least!" Skinny Pete exclaims, a puff of smoke seeping out of his mouth as he speaks. "Why do you think McCoy never likes to beam no where? Cause he's a doctor, bitch! Look it up. It's science."

It's like a dialogue out of a Kevin Smith movie, except it's Trek not Wars, and it leads straight into Badger's Star Trek script, as seen above. A pie eating contest has been staged on the Enterprise to cure the crews boredom. The contest gets down to Kirk, Spock and Checkov. Kirk yorks, leaving it down to Checkov and Spock. Checkov's winning because Scotty's secretly beaming all the blueberries out of Checkov's stomach and into space. Imagine a mess of frozen, undigested blueberries floating around in space, as frustrated Spock wonders how Checkov is beating him. And then things take a dark turn. Lieutenant Uhura distracts Scotty, whose fingers were already getting sweaty and oops, Scotty beams Checkov's guts into space. Gross!

Seriously, that's nastier than the time the Donnelley twins barfed on each other and the women's auxiliary barfed all over the Benevolent Order of Antelopes. But this bit of dialogue between the two characters may very well have topped my previous favorite Badger and Skinny Pete scene:



The Star Trek script scene may have been intended to be a demonstration of Jesse's distantness as he ignored his friends and wallowed in his guilt over the money he'd received and everything he'd been involved with to earn it, hence the title "Blood Money." But knowing Breaking Bad as we do, is it out of the question to wonder if there might be some bizarre metaphor or foreshadowing worked into Badger's plot? I'm not saying anyone's going to have their guts beamed into space, but if something does happen to someone's "guts" in any sense, whether it be due to a bullet or something else (ricin poisoning?) I'm coming straight back to this scene to figure out who was who. In the meantime, it was a great distraction.

Read our full breakdown of "Blood Money" here and take a closer look at the final moments of the episode here.

Update: Via AV Club, it looks like someone has already animated Badger's script!


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