This Week In Television: 3.22-3.28

The world of television is ever changing. Mostly having to do with reality stars and their “will they, won’t they” contract signing drama. But there’s a lot going on each week in TV, and not all of it’s good. We’ve decided that you, dear reader, deserve to have the most interesting of tales told laid out for you in a neat organized list form. Welcome to This Week In Television, where you see what’s worth your time over the past seven days.

Last week we were in love with food shows, but our binging may have taken its toll as this week our editor opines about obesity on television. Maybe I shouldn’t top my 36oz porterhouse with butter and Cadbury crème eggs. But it’s Easter time damnit, and Cadbury eggs are good on everything. They’re like bacon that way. You know what isn’t good on everything? The same tired plotlines and Fox apparently agreed as they pulled the plug on an old favorite. By that I mean, of course, that 24 was a favorite back in olden times. Now it’s just inane.



Where’s the CTU Mole?
Arthur tale coming to Starz; it’s modern day but not on the rocks

Oh boy oh boy. Wasn’t there a time when 24 was the kickass water cooler type show that you just loved to brag about knowing the inner workings of? Maybe not exactly that, but I do recall at one point in my TV watching life being shocked and awed with the outlandish CTU antics of the show. Last week’s episode made fans wonder when the series would be put out of its misery after yet another copy and paste plotline job was performed. Upstart premium service channel Starz has been hitting bullseyes lately with original content, although nothing yet competes with the overall charm and quality of Party Down. The cable channel is looking to bring a modern day telling of King Arthur to the world. If Merlin is a hacker using a 28.8 baud modem you can count me in. Bonus points for wireframe 3D models of computer files.



Richard doesn’t know anything, except how to laugh like a loon.

Lost has now had its pinnacle moment. A love story, full of loss, that has finally supplanted the Desmond/Penny story as the best on the show has been revealed. And this is still a show about the people, right rabid Lost fans who want every question answered? I doubt the series will ever be this good again as an exploration of character. Fun fact: guyliner really helps to accentuate the contact lenses you wear in the mid 1800’s.



Heigl ready to fade back into obscurity
Cable finally gets a legitimate news program

The hottest lady on television I don’t care about, Katherine Heigl, is officially not doing any more Grey’s Anatomy. Good, now we can finally get the sequel to My Father the Hero we’ve always wanted. The Onion News Network is coming to television? It’ll be a nice change of pace to have a credible news program on cable. There’ll be at least 5% of the show that’s based on fact, which bests other cable news outlets by a large margin.



Fat is in: Reality television wants to make a night of it with the Ring a Ding kid

People are overweight. It’s a fact of our current social situation, and many of these people need guidance and help. Some shows are coming out that may be aimed at helping, but are there too many programs out there exploiting the issue? When people don’t even understand what the underlying problems are it becomes all too easy to just sit back and watch the fats get yelled at for an hour by overly excited personal trainers. After all, people are just there for our amusement and ridicule. Right?



Jack Bauer finally tells the US government he’s run out of time

Fox has decided to put 24 out of the fans’ misery. No longer will we have to wonder why in the hell Jack Bauer continues to get pulled into zany situations involving stereotypical enemies of the United States. I have it on good authority that in the finale Jack will terminate all CTU personal and walk out saying, “Time’s up,” as the facility blows up.



Saturday is a good day to rest. In personal news for the day I got a wicked awesome burn on my first day back as a legit chef. Thought you’d like to know.



Lost will deliver a package
Didn’t you see? It was in plain sight

Nope, I’m not going to be tempted into watching videos for this week’s Lost. Not going to happen. But let me randomly speculate that Jin and Sun will still not be reunited by episode’s end. I’m not sure what was more enjoyable to experience: the season premiere of In Plain Sight, or my above pun.

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That’s it for This Week In Television, March 22nd through the 28th. Come back next Monday to catch up on all of the tasty bits we hid under our napkins because we know that Peeps are better when stale.