It’s your old friend, Mack, writing to you again this festive season. Last year, I asked for a Jesse & The Rippers reunion tour, a Cub World Series, and an Amy Winehouse overdose. 0 for 3. Way to go, Clause. You now have a worse batting average than Randy Johnson (.127 vs. .000). Still, I’m a traditional type guy and since traditional type guys continue to ask you for absurd favors you’re unwilling to grant, here’s a few more gifts I’d respect you more if you granted. Because after all, these wishes aren’t self-centered or egotistical, they’re recommendations which would further the human race.
One More Classic Tom Petty Song: I used to pine for one more memorable album, but we both know that’s not gonna happen. There must be something you can do, though. Put a little LSD in Tom’s stocking; hide some weed inside a toaster oven so his wife, Mrs. Petty, doesn’t get suspicious. You do what you gotta do. Besides, I’m sure you’ve got “American Girl” or “Don’t Do Me Like That” on your iPod. Imagine how sweet it would be to add a new track as good as those old favorites.
Selena Gomez’s Cover Of Cruella de Vil To Go Away: Seriously, who thought this was a good idea in the first place? Not only did Disney approve this ghastly neutering, they placed the godawful disaster after the new 101 Dalmatians DVD. Note to all involved: beloved song + high school flavor of the week (not congruent symbol) happiness.
Less Blueballing iPod Commercials: I know I complain about this now and again, but the diatribes will continue until I am no longer hoisted by Steve Jobs’ petards. iPod commercials always feature some insanely catchy song which I then spend hours trying to find, only to discover the rest is invariably horrific.
A Show Which Incorporates Music As Well As Freaks & Geeks: I know this one seems a little bizarre, but I’ve watched Freaks & Geeks in its entirety three times in the last year. The music is simply unbelievable. Many songs which I previously loved took on new meanings and a few which I never truly appreciated were given second looks thanks to Judd Apatow and Paul Feig.
Some Of That Madonna Divorce Settlement: I’m not asking for the whole thing or even a sizeable portion. But think about it. Would Guy Ritchie even realize if a hundred grand went missing?
A Cub World Series: Because I know by this point, you’ve stopped reading.
For more of Cinema Blend's 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS go here.