I’m glad that I can look back in fondness at something from the catalogue of the self-described “World’s Worst Band” and their self-drafted slogan “GREEN JELLO SUCKS”. The bassist had to color-code his strings so that he could learn to play notes in succession. It was even named after the most disgusting flavor of Jello: Lime. But that doesn’t stop this clip from solidly updating the story of The Three Little Pigs, especially appealing to me because MTV was right next to Nickelodeon on my dial, so between showings of early season SNL and SCTV reruns…goodbye commercial...hello Headbanger’s Ball.

This piece displays no talent at all as a song. Guitar riff repeat, doubled bass line and screamed story-telling. But it works…because of the people not in the band. The video was directed by Fred Stuhr, the same guy who later directed Tool’s “Sober” video. Speaking of Tool, the falsetto voice of the pigs rebutting “Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin,” is none other than Tool/A Perfect Circle lead singer Maynard James Keenan.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

I could talk about how Kraft foods sued for use of “Jello” in the band name, leading them to change it to Jelly, with umlauts over the Y “to change it to an O sound”, but I don’t know how to type an umlaut. Imagine it with your mind. Also worth mentioning is the soundtrack to Spiderman & Venom: Maximum Carnage which was written by Green Jelly, though on the SNES and Genesis platforms, it was all midi tones anyway. I played the shit out of that game and the soundtrack is kicking.

But no, the most memorable part of this song, aside from the left-field Rambo ending, is the steadfast defiance of the lumpy swine. And to be done by a man who despite all his seriousness, such as his photoshoot dressed as Chuck Manson, has done such, I don’t want to say light-hearted, but firmly-tongue-in-cheek-without-giving-a-damn-to-cred wonders as “Die Eier von Satan”, an industrial Eastern European churner over which he demonically speaks in German...a recipe for baking a cake, makes my pants happy.

To Green Jelly, to MTV when they used to play videos regularly, and my pop culture sensibilities when I was in middle school….here’s to you!

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