I’m an asshole, a prick, a cynical motherfucker, a no good piece of elitist scum. And honestly, I’m not even sure why. My mother is the exact opposite. She sees the good in everyone, and I mean everyone (except me when I criticize Jesus and his smug fucking attitude). Still, I can’t help it. I’d rather cultivate a cantankerous, curmudgeon-like persona than compliment pedophiles for having the dedication to pick a goal and stick with it. Go ahead and call me a killjoy, a vindictive bellyacher, or a whiner. I sleep very well at night, thank you, but apart from my misanthropic musings, there’s one optimistic, feel-good passion I can’t get enough of: sappy love songs.

You can zealously keep the old, the tired, and the weary. I’ll cling to the hopelessly romantic, the pathetically love-struck, and the desperately sentimental. Sure, most of the time I’ll take John Lennon’s frenzied rantings about changing the world, but you know what, sometimes Sir. Paul McCartney and his silly love songs sooth in a mushy way I can’t begin to quantify. So, I’ve decided to devote this February 14th- Valentine’s Day- to serenading these odes of love, some shared, some unrequited.

Hippy, new aged scholars would likely tell you all art springs forth from the soul, but that’s a whole mess of bullshit. Behind every great piece of art is a brilliant, talented artist, and behind every brilliant, talented artist is a muse. Muses of all shapes and sizes. Beautiful ones, curvy ones, free-spirited ones, dependable ones, ones you just want to hold, and ones you want to ravish and pleasure. But the truly special ones–the gorgeous, loveable, inspiring muses–push the artist to achieve something previously impossible. This list and the songs on it celebrate those uncredited stimuli.

Cinema Blend Top 5: Sappy Love Songs For V-Day

5. You’re Still The One by Shania Twain

Release Date: 1998
Inspiration: Mutt Lange
Reason It Made The List:
Mack Rawden: Mutt Lange must be some kind of lover. The eccentric and reclusive record producer not only wooed his way into Shania Twain’s Candy Land but also inspired her to write this ditty to eternal love. Romances come and go. Affections and infatuations gallivant from person-to-person. One day you’re attracted to the lusty future stripper making bean dip in Home Economics, and twenty-four hours later, you’re down with virginal girl-next-door who still giggles whenever she hears the word penis. Attractions are fickle, and relationships are perhaps even more unpredictable. But the special ones, the ones you always hear about in fairy tales but never experience yourself, are endless and bridge seemingly insurmountable gaps (for example: their almost twenty year age difference). After almost fifteen years together, Mutt is still the one, and that’s a beautiful bond worth celebrating.

4. I’ll Make Love To You by Boyz II Men

Release Date: 1994
Inspiration: Countless Boyz II Men Groupies
Reason It Made The List:
Karl Spork:Baby, tonight is the night and I will do you right: Line uttered to begin the bridge of the song, or line uttered by millions of men seconds before penetration? Correct answer: Both of the above. When it comes down to what women are supposed to want to hear, Boyz II Men may trump all. Wine, candlelight, the fireplace aflame, a young , virile black male submitting unconditionally to your demands, and nothing but time on your hands (for now) is a fine recipe for baby-making. Having had this song soundtrack my goings-on while I’ve done the deed, I can tell you that it was nothing even approaching the romance of the song. Nowhere do the Boyz mention cars, socks, awkward laughing or fists, but their mellow crooning nevertheless had the impact of melting away her core of steadfast denial. That is why we play these love songs. Not to express our love in words and music, but to makes you have sex with us. I own the album II, and let me tell you, it works. On this Valentine’s Day, I proudly salute Boyz II Men for helping the International Brotherhood of Men have sex on a consistent basis with and continue to undermine the competing Divine Sisterhood of Vaginas.

3. Maybe I’m Amazed by Paul McCartney

Release Date: 1970
Inspiration: Linda McCartney
Reason It Made The List:
Mack Rawden: The former Beatles’ gentle ode to his loving first wife Linda is a touching tribute to the strong woman who helped him through the Fab Four’s break-up. It opens with an understated piano intro and slowly builds throughout the song, reaching its crescendo when Paul screeches, “Maybe you’re the only woman who could ever help me.” I was in seventh grade when I first heard this song. I found his high-pitched whimpering pathetic and decidedly unmanly. Then I discovered girls. I loved the way they smiled, the way they laughed, and my childish disdain for Mac’s emotions evaporated. I could only think of finding a woman I cherished as much as Paul did.

2. (I Just) Died In Your Arms by Cutting Crew

Release Date: 1986
Inspiration Lead Singer Nick Van Eede’s Own 0-Face.
Reason It Made The List:
Rema Rahman:Though you’ve probably heard this song in its entirety twice in your life, I bet you know every word of the hook. I bet just seeing the title written out is already sparking a mental soundtrack of its catchy riff and unmistakable opening synth. Whether it reminds you of your first ride in a Chevy Camaro or inspires a manhunt of Reebok Air Pump sneakers, this sonically heartfelt tune is the definition of a decade’s worth of one-hit-wonder guilty pleasure power ballads. This song will always prompt a cohesive awwww from gaggles of girls and never deny some poor sap from belting out the lyrics with the vocal range of a hyena. Who knew singer Nick Van Eede thought of the song title’s phrase right after making love to his girlfriend?

1. Nights In White Satin by The Moody Blues

Release Date: 1967
Inspiration: Unrequited Love
Reason It Made The List:
Mack Rawden:Clocking in at seven and a half minutes, The Moody Blues’ “Nights In White Satin” was considered too long for commercial airplay. Then it was re-released five years later, and the entire world bought a copy. It’s epic, yet simple. Blunt, yet still understated. The backing music is quiet, the lyrics sound whispered at points, but it all builds and builds to a triumphant orchestral breakdown featuring plenty of spoken word poetry. Somehow it works. Somehow it sounds like love. And somehow the phrase “And I Love You”, the most common of all in the English language, can still make us cry.

What Is Your Favorite Love Song?

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