GI Joe Lip Balm
Being forced to carry lip balm by his mother is exactly the type of thing a ten-year-old boy would hide from his friends on the playground. So, why the hell he would want to correlate that activity with GI Joe is beyond me. If anything, you would think the little kid would want completely nondescript packaging that he could pull in and out without making a fuss. It’s not like he’s going to be whipping it out and proving to his friends how cool he is by rubbing it on his lips. No dude in the history of civilization has ever looked like a badass tending to chapped lips. It’s maybe a half step above doing a one-legged dance after stubbing a toe.

And from a parental standpoint, how many mothers would really trust GI Joe to effectively treat chapped lips? There’s no way your average mom is going to be inside a store and choose Flint’s cherry flavored disaster here over something that actually looks like it was product tested and approved for use on children. Humorously, there does seem to be a few of these lip balms (from 1986) still around. Not surprisingly, they tend to sell for around a dollar, which sounds about right for a gimmick with no value beyond nostalgia and goofiness.

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