In case you haven’t hard, there’s a movie in the works based on the popular yet slutty line of Bratz toys and cartoons for little girls. Turning those whorish Bratz dolls into a movie was a bad enough idea on its own, but Lionsgate has found a way to make it worse. They’re bringing in vapid “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul to play a part in making it.
Lionsgate’s official press release says Paula has joined the creative team of Bratz: The Movie, a live action feature film. Paula will serve as an executive producer on the project, and will “play an integral part in several key creative areas, including music, choreography and fashion.” They also say she will “closely with the director, producers and casting director to discover fresh talent for the film.” I’m sure they’ll love that. Nothing a director loves better than taking orders from a washed up music star who lucked into an television sensation to rediscover relevancy.
In addition to driving the movie’s real creative team nuts with endless suggestions, Paula will play a major character in the movie. She’s a bit old to be one of the Bratz, maybe they’ll find a part for her as a teacher or a parent or something.
Really though, this is a smart move for Lionsgate. They’ve just doubled the audience for the movie. Not only will all the little girls who buy the toys show up to see it, but all the idiot American Idol fans too. American Idol is a perfect fit for Bratz, two franchises devoted to promoting conformity by brainwashing kids with meaningless clothing, style, and hair obsessions wrapped in a façade of individualism. It’s amazing the two haven’t come together before this. Paula Abdul should be a perfect fit.
Paula agrees. She says, “I am extremely excited about working on this film, which incorporates and celebrates so many of my passions, from music, dance and choreography to fashion and design.” You know, stuff that matters. “As a brand, Bratz™ encourages young girls to follow their dreams and express themselves.” Translation: buy our products and wear what we tell them to. Parents who allow their daughters to tube tops should be elated. This should be a perfect way to get your girls ready for the pole.
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