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You know what's great about fairy tales? No, not their classic stories or appeal to multiple generations-- the fact that you can adapt them for free. Public domain stories are apparently all the rage these days after Alice in Wonderland made an embarrassing fortune for Disney, and you know Brett Ratner is never one to miss out on a lucrative trend. Deadline Hollywood reports that Ratner will be joining Relativity Media to produce The Brothers Grimm: Snow White, which with its superhero movie-esque title (Fairy Tale Origins: Snow White is more like it), should tell you pretty much everything you need to know.
Screenwriter Melisa Wallack, who wrote and directed the little-seen 2007 indie Bill, wrote an "edgy 3D re-imagining" of the classic fairy tale, and if that isn't enough to make you throw up your hands in defeat, there's this quote from Ratner:
"This is not your grandfather's Snow White. Melisa went back to the 500 year old folk tale and put in some of the things that were missing from Walt Disney's film. His dwarves were miners, and here they are robbers. There is also a dragon that was in the original folk tale. Walt made one of the great movies of all time, but ours is edgy and there is more comedy. The original, made for its time, was soft compared to what we're going to do."
It's encouraging that Ratner recognizes he's up against some major competition-- unlike Alice in Wonderland, Snow White already has a pretty definitive movie version, and anything anyone else does will be compared to the movie that introduced us to singing, mining dwarves. And I guess I can't even claim that nobody would want to see it, since Tim Burton's Alice proved that there's an enormous global appetite for "dark" twists on old fairy tales. I just know that I don't want to see it, and if you also thought Alice was a dull eyesore, hopefully you're right there with me.