Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 was always going to be a critical failure. The first was met with scathing reviews, which in no-way hampered its impressive box-office run, and the general rule is that the sequel is always worse than its predecessor. But I don’t think anyone expected it to be quite as bad as this, because, at the moment, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 currently has a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Ouch.
So far, more than 30 reviews for Paul Blart :Mall Cop 2 have been submitted to Rotten Tomatoes, and each and everyone of them has determined that it is about as rotten as a month old apple. Literally no-one appears to have a solitary good word to say about the Kevin James-led comedy. And even though I’m pretty sure every critics' mother told them, "If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all," reviewers have been chomping at the bit to savage the film.
New York Daily News’ Joe Neumaier compared watching Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 to "biting into an old brown banana," while Variety’s Justin Chang insists that its release could be more damaging to Sony’s reputation than WikiLeaks. In fact, the critical attacks on Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 are coming in so thick and fast that the good folks over at Jezebel have amassed a list of the most caustic.
Reading through these remarks you might feel pangs of guilt for those involved. But in order to sober yourself from these thoughts all you need to remember is that any creative team that finds repeatedly hurling Kevin James against objects so amusing probably don’t have souls anyway.
In case you’re still slightly tempted to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, or if you just want to get a sniff of the film’s atrociousness without wasting your hard earned cash on a ticket, you can check out the latest trailer for the comedy that is allegedly the cinematic equivalent of choking to death of a sock full of quarters:
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is the sequel to 2009's Paul Blart: Mall Cop, which grossed $183.3 million against its $26 million budget. This success always meant that a follow-up would be ordered. In fact, it’s actually surprising that it’s taken so long to be released. The film takes security guard Paul Blart from New Jersey to Las Vegas, where he decides to take a vacation. Unfortunately, he finds himself in the middle of yet another robbery, which is when he puts his talents to use. And when I say talents, I basically mean running head first into something or someone like a bull to a waving red flag. Actually, that’s doing a disservice to bulls because they have more grace than Kevin James falling flat on his back.
The thing is, despite the linguistic assaults that Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 has had to withstand, it’s still probably going to make a ton of money this week. That's because it’s only going up against new releases Monkey Kingdom and Unfriended. Furious 7’s box office dominance should have subsided enough to leave Blart on top, and if that’s not the purest example of the decline of cinema, I’m not really sure what else is.