I was about seven years away from being a sperm when Rosemary’s Baby hit theaters, so maybe I missed out on its significance. I know it has this big, scary reputation but when I finally got around to renting it and popping it in my DVD player, the whole thing just seemed sort of funny. It hasn’t aged particularly well.

So maybe it makes sense that someone wants to redo it. I mean the idea is pretty sound. The devil wants a spawn and so he talks a bunch of cultists into impregnating a helpless, innocent woman. That could be pretty scary stuff. Mix in a few cloven hooves, toss out all the subtlety which seems to be beyond the ken of modern horror movie audiences, and you’ve got a freaky as hell remake about a girl being gang raped in the name of Satan. Maybe with a pinch or a pull here and there they could even squeeze this thing into the toture porn genre. ShockTilYouDrop says that’s exactly what Platinum Dunes is up to. Remaking it that is, I can’t say whether or not they’re turning it into toture porn, because right now they’re only talking to Paramount about updating the Roman Polanski classic. There’s no writer yet, and so we have no idea what direction they’ll take the do over.

The original 1968 movie starred Mia Farrow, who believe it or not, was once surprisingly cool. The new one will probably star whichever random Hollywood starlet can’t get work in a corset drama. Jessica Alba seems to be the horror movie chick du jour at the moment, and as a bonus she’s pregnant. Probably not with the devil’s seed, but even if her kid doesn’t have horns she’d still be a fit.

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