Parental Guidance
Take one look at the trailer and you can pretty much make up your mind about this film. The old “comedic” take on parenting in a modern age. The old school vs. new school theories about how to best raise our kids not through discussion of the topic but rather tired jokes, over-used cliches with grandparents, parents and kids all “teaching each other lessons” about family, life, child-rearing, love and taking a swift kick to the nuts from a pissed off fifth grader.

Obviously this thing is terrible. But more than just its take on parenting, this movie is a cautionary tale of Botox treatments. Crystal and Midler, rather than looking like run of the mill grandparent types with cardigan sweaters and faces full of wisdom, appear as if they’ve had their skin stretched to oblivion. They look less like grandparents than over the hill actors/actresses trying to stem the tidal wave of age (embrace it folks, embrace it!). I’m not saying their appearances would have dramatically shifted the critical reviews (it looks like a piece of garbage regardless of their skin’s elasticity) but I can’t imagine it helped. The Botox culture, at least for this humble viewer, has created an Uncanny Valley without the movie makers even heading to the animation board.

Andy Fickman who’s directed such masterpieces as You Again (18%), Race to Witch Mountain (43%), The Game Plan (28%), and She’s the Man (44%) would have us believe these two plastic dolls are grandparents going old school with their child rearing. I’m not buying it and neither are critics.

The Rotten Watch for Parental Guidance is 19%

Which Rotten movie will have the highest final Tomatometer score?

Recapping last week:

Well this pretty much sums up my year. (Which I will actually sum up more next week.) It’s been a rough 2012 for the critical prediction game and I went through a number of cold spells. Jack Reacher (Predicted: 55% Actual: 62%) and Zero Dark Thirty (Predicted: 94% Actual: 94%) were both wins though I had a bit of a head start on the latter. The former dropped a bit during the week making this a good prediction. Maybe Tommy C. wasn’t the perfect fit for Reacher.

Meanwhile This is 40 (Predicted: 63% Actual: 49%) took a moderate nosedive during the week. When I put up my prediction the Tomatometer sat at about 67% through twenty-four reviews. Over the next one hundred plus reviews it averaged a score of 45%. That’s fairly significant and big step back for Judd Apatow considering the rest of his resume.

Cirque Du Soleil: (Predicted: 74% Actual: 56%) was a healthy miss though it should be stated that the twenty-six reviews might be the lowest for any flick I’ve done.

And finally The Guilt Trip (Predicted: 49% Actual: 36%) was right in line with my expectations (that it’d be bad) but the prediction was off by just enough. These are the most frustrating ones. I’d almost rather be off by thirty percent than to miss by three.

Next week we get the year in review and some more chainsaws in Texas. It’s going to be a Rotten Week!

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