Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
Way back in the heyday of 2010, this column was born out of a need for readers to argue the gravity and weight of Tomatometer scores for upcoming movies. That first column, and attempt at predicting Rotten Tomato scores, included Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (Predicted: 69% Actual: 49%). Since then I’ve grown as a person, lover and prognosticator. Now, more than three years later, I have a chance to make amends on that original, slightly misguided prediction.

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (I guess he dumped the Olympians) is the sequel and part of the insanely popular series by Rick Riordan who has made enough money writing these books that he could probably build a Mount Olympus of his own. It follows the adventures of a few mediocre young adult actors as they work their way through a bland script heavy on average-looking special effects. Will they find the Golden Fleece in the Bermuda Triangle? Will they stop the giant bull-looking robot thing that comes to their home? Will these actors and actresses be out of Hollywood in the next seven years? I’m answering yes, yes, looking likely to those three questions.

Thor Freudenthal’s other work (Diary of a Wimpy Kid-53%, Hotel for Dogs-46%) hovers right in that mediocre range of “enjoyable to people under thirteen years old, unwatchable to everyone else.” Successful careers have been made on much, much less. This flick looks no different. It’ll appeal to its demographic and no one else. That’ll probably mean a nice box office draw but a lower Tomatometer score. I just can’t imagine a majority of critics walking out of the theater happy with the product. Second time’s a charm on Percy Jackson. I’m nailing this score. The Rotten Watch for Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters is 36%

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