Vampire Academy
Well I guess someone didn’t get the memo that vampires are so "2009-10." That the vampire wave is well over, the market having been sufficiently saturated with:


Every follow up movie to Twilight

True Blood

Vampire Diaries

One million references to vampires over the last half decade

I have vampire fatigue. You should, too. The cultural influx of the bloodsuckers over the short term has been relentless, finally ebbing a bit of late with the last stragglers coming in from the margins to "suck" the last bits of profit from these eternal folks (Like that? I’m sure this flick is chocked full of hack writing like I just gave you). Enter Vampire Academy, a flick that almost assuredly covers no new ground, dredging up the short list of cliches associated with vampires, overplaying the fangs, chucking out bad jokes (and endless puns I’m sure), all while praying like crazy that vampires can hang around our collective consciousness just a teeny bit longer. It looks like a mess. I mean the tagline is "They suck at school." A middle-schooler could have come up with that gem.

Honestly, from the trailer I couldn’t tell you what this movie is even about besides there being a school for vampires. What happens at this school? Unclear. Who/what is the antagonist? Unclear. Plot? Unclear. What do we know? Vampires!!!

Based on the teen novel series of the same name by Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy looks atrocious. Mark Waters directs and his career tells the story or hits and misses. He’s helmed Mean Girls (83%), Freaky Friday (88%) and Spiderwick Chronicles (80%) but offset those wins with Mr. Popper’s Penguins (52%) and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (26%). His latest appears to fall in the latter category. I’d be shocked if critics enjoyed this film. But at least vampires hang around a bit longer. The Rotten Watch for Vampire Academy is 21%

Which movie will you go see this weekend?

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