Going to go a little out of character here by beginning to include movies that, although not in wide release, have garnered a fair amount of buzz. Probably should have started with The Master but, hell, what can we learn from if not our mistakes pointed out to us by others?

I’ve been through my extensive resume and schooling before, but it’s worth mentioning again that I have a minor in US History from a second tier college, so you’re reading what can only be qualified as “expert” opinion here. I’m here to make Professor David Hsiung proud. He’d expect nothing less from me.

This year’s been an up and down one for A-Linc (what his friends called him), starting with a well-documented fight against vampires* (sigh) turning in a not-so-surprising 35% on the Tomatometer. But he’s finishing it out by (hopefully) equalizing the critical scales with Steven Spielberg placing a subtle golden hand on those thin-framed, Republican shoulders, in the shadow of that iconic stovepipe hat and coo-ing “It’s okay, big Abe, not to worry. I’ll take it from here.”

*Would you like a perfect sign of our cultural de-evolution and not-so-slow crumbling into the intelligence abyss? When one types in “Abraham Lincoln” into Google Search the second autofill option is “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter” beating out “Abraham Lincoln Quotes”. Fifth on the list is “Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies”. So yeah, we’re fucked.

Spielberg has converted Daniel Day Lewis (in the role he’s been basically auditioning for for years-- There Will Be Blood-91%, Gangs of New York-75%) into what, I think, everyone would imagine Abe to be. Stoic. Cerebral. Skinny. Basically, Abraham Lincoln-ish. I find it astounding, almost entering my own biopic Uncanny Valley.

Tacking on a who’s who of Hollywood folks for the cast (Tommy Lee Jones, Sally Fields, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Hal Holbrook, James Spader, to name a few), Spielberg adds to his own resume for handling hardcore history with a deft touch. Umm, ever heard of Munich (78%), Saving Private Ryan (93%), or Schindler’s List (97%)? Dude’s got skills.

Critics are pumping almost Oscar-worthy praise (Cole Smithey’s critic trolling aside) on this flick and I see the Tomatometer keeping well into the nineties as the week goes on. Take it from an expert. I know my history. The Rotten Watch for Lincoln is 91%

Which Rotten movie will have the highest final Tomatometer score?

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