Crack the champagne, get out your noise makers, and hang the streamers, it’s time to celebrate the death of a beaten and broken franchise that is finally giving up. Jump for joy as we announce that the Saw series is hanging up its hat after seven long years, according to Latino Review.

With the terrible numbers that Saw VI pulled, and the genuine fact that not many people give a shit any more, writer Patrick Melton, in an interview with UK Radio station Demon FM, spilled the beans that instead of VII and VIII being a two-part finale, they’re just going to make one bigger movie that “ties things up as best as they can.” Melton spends most of the interview explaining all the vague plot points that viewers were supposed to get out the films so far, but since they are generally bad movies, almost everyone missed them.

The writer claims he’ll be doing his best to wrap up every loose end from all six previous films. That’s very novel of him, but any dope who’s seen one of the movies will already see that there’s just too much to cover in one shot. Saw VII will likely play out something like this, “HEY! Look over here at this answer! OH! Now look over here at this answer! SHOCK AND AWE!” with no real story (not that there has been any real story since the original in 2004.)

There’s no reason for them to keep making Saw films. The franchise is tired, unimaginative, and devoid of any cinematic merit. After this Halloween, there will be no more ads with screaming people in random traps, no more loose story lines keeping Tobin Bell alive, and thank the gods, no more teenage kids yelling “OMFG Saw was so awesome, brah!” Of course this could all be some cheap trick from the studio to reignite interest in the series, and they may go ahead and just keep making Saw films anyway. But I’m going to tuck that idea far away in the back of my mind and just bask in utopian thoughts of a Saw-free America.

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