He’s got the superhero thing covered with Hancock coming out this summer, that only leaves sword and sandal movies as the one genre Will Smith has left unconquered. Jam! Showbiz says that’s a problem he’s about to solve. Will’s production company is working on an ancient Assyrians versus Ethiopians movie. Back in the day, Ethiopians were less hungry and had more energy for fighting.

The movie is about the Egyptian Pharaoh Taharq, the last Pharaoh of the Nubian Dynasty. He ruled from 690 BC to 664 BC, a time when apparently, descendents of Ethiopians ruled Egypt. I had no idea. Probably because it didn’t go very well. It was his father who conquered Egypt and he was the last Nubian Pharaoh. Usually you like a good dynasty to last at least until your grandkids take power and start screwing things up by snorting coke off the naked bodies of hookers.

The movie is about Taharq’s war against the Assyrians and their king Sennacherib. You may have heard of him from a little something called the Bible. He was a major pain in the ass of the Hebrews too.

They’re calling the movie The Last Pharoah, even though Taharq wasn’t the last one, just the last Nubian one. He was also the third Nubian one if I read my wikipedia correctly, but The Third Pharoah doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

No word on whether Will Smith will actually star in this thing, but since his production company is involved it’s always a possibility. I could see him wearing a funny Pharoah hat, that could be good. What won’t be good are the legions of idiots who will inevitably see the movie and then insist that the pyramids were designed by the black man. Luckily that’s not true, since it would also mean they used to keep Jews as slaves. Imagine if the Goldberg family sued Jesse Jackson for slavery reparations. That would be fun. Besides, everyone knows they were designed by aliens and built by enslaved wooly mammoths.

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