Due to an astonishing amount of blood, cursing and testicles hanging from a tree, be warned that this trailer is a perfect example of NSFW.

You have to love a horror film franchise where every single film’s logline could read, “A group of people go into the wetlands haunted by the murderous local legend Victor Crowley only to start dying one by one.” Wait, did I say love? I meant “merely tolerate.”

(waits for horror fans to finish throwing their sharp objects)

As far as being an actual piece of cinema, Hatchet III couldn’t possibly gain any real interest from me, especially since creator Adam Green isn’t directing. But as far as being a titillating way to spend ninety minutes after creating an accompanying drinking game, this looks like quite a bloody romp through the swamp. Way more so than the previously released teaser.

Picking up after the events of the previous film, the new sequel is helmed by first time director BJ McDonnell (a camera operator on the last two movies), who is working from a script written by Green. The story begins as Marybeth (Danielle Harris) brings a bunch of cops back into the swamps trying to get somebody to believe in the hulking, supposedly imaginary murderer who she believe she killed in the last movie (a hard task to accomplish for some reason). Kane Hodder is back as the body-dismembering badass known as Victor Crowley, and quite a few other genre actors appear in roles, including Zach Galligan, Derek Mears, Sean Whalen and Caroline Williams. Green’s wife Rileah Vanderbilt is also in there somewhere.

Obviously a pair of balls in a tree are a definite jolt from what normally appears in a film’s trailer. We’re not even going to discuss the actual law enforcement aspect of it, because the joy of a film like this lies in all the blood spilled. But by taking that route it looks like we’re going to see a lot of conceited, asshole cops get taken out in the most hideous ways imaginable. Subtext need not apply.

Hatchet III will see a theatrical release on June 14, 2013, which means Victor Crowley’s real nemeses are Man of Steel and This is the End. But if you’ll remember, the last film got yanked out of theaters after just a week, due to AMC Theaters balking on showing an unrated film. The good news is that these films are meant to live on DVD anyway.

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