If you live in the Northeast, you’ve already slipped five or six times on the skating rink that’s going on outside. What a mess. But have no fear, inside This Rotten Week, it’s warm, cozy and just the right temperature for predicting Tomatometer scores. Small slate this week with only Hercules’ legend getting a little treatment.

Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.

The Legend of Hercules
If I could be the son of any Greek God and Goddess, the choice would be tough, but I think I’ve narrowed in on the perfect marriage. If I’m really forced to choose I think having my father: Acratopotes (God of unmixed wine) and moms: Gymnastika (goddess of morning exercise) would look around perfect. It’s just the right mix of hard-partying and next day recovery that I’m seeking to balance my life. My name would be RollitBack-ules after my ability to just keep the party and good vibes going constantly.

Hercules? Boring. Just the son of Zeus (kind of balla) and some mortal (big step back). And if you are interested in his story, look somewhere else because this flick has all the makings of a visual effects-laden snoozefest. If the trailer is any indication, based on percentages alone, we can expect Hercules (Kellan Lutz) to speak for about 0.4% of the entire flick. I think he mutters something like 10 total words in the 2:30 minute trailer. The rest of the proceedings boil down to him staring, flexing, staring blankly, flexing harder, kissing a little, fighting slo-mo-speed-up-style, swinging various weapons around, going shirtless, staring, running, staring, flexing. You get the point.

Renny Harlin directs and his recent work doesn’t inspire a whole lot of confidence. Movies like Cleaner (17%), 12 Rounds (29%), and 5 Days of War (33%) dot his resume with traces of below-average filmmaking. His early career is interesting with Die Hard 2 (66%), The Long Kiss Goodnight (67%) and Cliffhanger (69%), but if you’ve checked any of these flicks lately you know they don’t come anywhere close to holding up over the long haul. Honestly, I was surprised about the Tomatometer scores on them. Way, way higher than I would have thought. This latest will do nothing to turn the critical reception piece of his career around. It looks bad. But hey, if you like your main character mute and angry, go for it. The Rotten Watch for The Legend of Hercules is 23%

Will The Legend of Hercules do better than 23% Fresh?

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