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Everyone everywhere celebrates Christmas a little differently. Sure, some of the traditions are the same – Christians put a Christmas tree in the living room, Jewish people go to Chinese restaurants, etc. – but other than that we all have our own traditions while celebrating the holiday. Some have massive family gatherings, others like to keep it intimate and small. Some people really like to celebrate, while others couldn’t care less. Regardless of how you spend your time, one way to make sure that you’ll survive is to include at least one trip to the movie theater. It’s in that area that we here at Cinema Blend are happy to help.
Below you’ll find a complete guide to this year’s in-theater movie selection, paired along with your main reason for seeing it, who you should go with, and how the experience will compare to Christmases in the recent past. Feel free to print it out and stick a copy in your back pocket or purse. You never know when it might come in handy and it might even save your life. Read on below for Cinema Blend’s Official Movie Guide To Christmas 2010.
When You Have To Find Something To Distract The Kids From The Presents Around The Tree: Tangled.
Best for: A house filled with rug rats that have eaten far too many of the cookies that were left out for Santa.
Kind of like that time you all saw… Princess and The Frog last year and regained a taste for Disney versions of classic fairy tales.
When You're Dealing With Teens Who Say They're Too Old/Cool For Tangled: Tron: Legacy.
Best for: The group of sixteen-year-olds who have isolated themselves from the rest of the family to go play videogames in someone’s bedroom.
Kind of like that time you all saw… Avatar last year and realized for the first time that buying IMAX 3D tickets for a large group is jaw-droppingly expensive.
When The Snow Outside Makes Everything Look To Clean And You Want To Watch Something Dark And Dirty: True Grit.
Best for: Fathers who want to use the opportunity to teach their sons about classic westerns and the eternal awesomeness that is John Wayne.
Kind of like that time you all saw…. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King in 2003, only instead of massive orc hordes you have cowboys with bad teeth.
When You Want To Look At Pretty Places And Pretty People But Don't Care About Story Or Characters: The Tourist.
Best for: Women who read Us Weekly or The National Enquirer.
Kind of like that time you all saw… Ocean’s 12 in 2004. It wasn’t very good but at least it was pretty and you knew the names of all the actors without sticking around for the end credits.
When You're Feeling Passive Aggressive About Spending Time With Your Family: The Fighter.
Best for: Right after your cousin Alex finishes telling your mother about his new job with the corner office and she looks at you disappointingly.
Kind of like that time you all saw… Rocky Balboa in 2006. Sure, it didn’t have the same plot about the pressures of family, but it probably helped to watch a couple of guys beat the crap out of each other.
When When You Feel Like Enjoying The Darker Side of Christmas: Black Swan.
Best for: Those family members who feel like they’re suffocating in Aunt Sally’s homemade Christmas sweaters.
Kind of like that time you all saw… Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street in 2007, only this time around there is more extacy-induced lesbian sex.
When You Start To Realize That There Isn't Enough Nudity On Christmas: Love And Other Drugs.
Best for: After little Timmy manages to overcome his insecurity about his lisp and missing front tooth to say grace before dinner.
Kind of like that time you all saw… Closer in 2004 – sure, there wasn’t as much nudity, but it’s still a movie around Christmas time that includes scenes in a strip club. I think it gets a pass.
When You're Feeling Suicidal, But Need Something To Help You Pull The Trigger: Yogi Bear, Little Fockers, or Gulliver's Travels.
Best for: Nobody. These movies are best for nobody.
Kind of like that time you all saw… Alvin and the Chipmunks in 2007, Meet The Fockers in 2004, and Bedtime Stories in 2008. Remember how miserable you were? Don’t make the same mistake a fourth time.