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It would appear a slow week for movies this week as we begin the steady climb through the spring and into the summer cinema season. But then I think, can’t Tom Cruise just carry a week’s slate of flicks all by himself? We shall see as he races off into oblivion.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
I think the idea of aliens attacking and draining Earth of its resources is starting to become implausible. Mostly because we humans are handling the “draining of resources” part of that equation just fine on our own. No assistance needed. In many ways we are like the person driving the beat to [email protected]# ‘98 Corolla who insists on throwing on The Club and clicking on the car alarm because they don’t want anyone running off with their ride. Movies view the impending alien attack/ takeover as inevitable (Of course they want Earth, it’s awesome!) without considering why an advanced alien race would want any part of this polluted, douchebag-laden, overcrowded, concrete jungle of a planet we’ve created.* This is all to say, don’t worry folks, ETs are headed off to greener pastures with way less strip malls and dudes like this.
*That is unless aliens are Mitt Romney/ Bain Capital types who sweep in and snatch up struggling companies in a leveraged buyout, sell off all their assets and basically gut the whole thing in order to turn a hefty profit. If this is the case, well then we are screwed.
But that’s just what’s happened in Oblivion. Aliens have swooped in and taken over Earth. From the trailers, the place looks way better so maybe the ends justify the means. And if you’re like me, you saw this trailer a few months ago and thought it was some kind of sequel to War of the Worlds. I based that solely on the alien theme and the Yankee hat Tom Cruise rocks while out patrolling a savaged Earth in his futuristic space suit and flying contraption. Cruise looks like he does most of the heavy lifting in this flick (kind of his wheelhouse) and is essentially just playing himself (also his strong suit).
Directed by Joseph Kosinski (Tron: Legacy-51%), Oblivion’s early reviews are positive with many critics lauding the stunning visuals. Many contend the story is recycled and pieced together from other sci-fi fare, but overall the flick stands on its own merit. With so many reviews already in I can’t count this toward my prediction resume, but don’t think the score moves too much over the week. And if you’re out there aliens, move on, there’s nothing for you here. The Rotten Watch for Oblivion is
Did Doug get it right on his Oblivion prediction?
Recapping last week:
Blew it on 42 (Predicted: 46% Actual: 76%). I didn’t think it would resonate with critics because of some disconnect between subject matter and the PG-13 rating. Was definitely wrong there. More than three quarters of critics like what they saw, though like Cinema Blend’s Mack Rawden, few were blown away. The theme of many reviews was, “Nice enough. Good story, a little sappy.” One thing I’m kicking myself over here is while writing up 42 last week I kept thinking about Remember the Titans (73%). That movie took racially charged subject matter and turned it into an uplifting, often corny, entertaining movie. If I had used that as a baseline I’d be looking at a win right now.
Meanwhile, Scary Movie V (Predicted: 12% Actual: 6%) sucked. Basically I was just hoping to avoid a zero here. I went into this prediction with almost full confidence in the movie’s awfulness. With bottom of the barrel scores like this one, I’m always most interested in the critics who came out on the positive side (even if it was ever-so-slightly). Are they embarrassed? Do they contact Rotten Tomatoes and ask for a revision? Do they hang it on their office (living room) wall? If only I had some writers to ask.
Next time around we pump some iron and head to a big wedding. It’s going to be a Rotten Week!