If you could have dinner with any celebrity, who would it be? I know you’ve probably answered that question a thousand times, but it’s still a good judge of what type of person you are. But what if you were having a Christmas Party? Forget about your family. You can listen to Great Uncle Winston’s war stories during Easter. What if you were having a Christmas party and could invite anyone throughout history? Who would you invite and perhaps more importantly, what would you ask them to bring? Here’s my list of seven famous faces (eight including me) I’d mash together for a non-denominational extravaganza…
Dorothy Parker: How the hell does anyone expect to have a social event, a real social event without the original queen of mean? Whether it be her muttering of “Would you like a drink before you kiss me” or her ironically babbling “poor son of a bitch” at F. Scott Fitzgerald’s wake, Dorothy Parker was always there to spice up a room and then sit back and rip it apart with her villainous wit. It’s not a party without plenty of tears, and Dorothy Parker will forever be the quintessential catalyst for drama drama.
Dish Of Choice: A salad with dressing on the side.
Pastor Rick Warren: Maybe not always my cup of tea, Pastor Rick Warren would blend in perfectly at this party alongside many of history’s seediest moral compromisers. Plus, he’s got all that Purpose Driven Life money; so, he’d probably chip in for the keg.
Dish Of Choice: His famous miracle mashed potatoes.
Wendy Peffercorn: Forget Squints, Wendy Peffercorn was the real prize back in Summer of ’62. That creepy redneck said he’d give up half his way to get a piece of Tricia Poe in Con Air, I’d suicide myself immediately after orgasm, if a video of my conquest was FedExed to all of my friends as verification.
Dish Of Choice: Honey Baked Ham ilton Porter.
Robert Downey Jr.: Seriously, is there anyone cooler on the entire planet? This bastard has lived enough for all of us and done so with a charm and wit about him that’s almost mesmerizing. I would follow him to the depths of Hell or to a restroom to snort unseemly things off unseemly women.
Dish Of Choice: Pufferfish.
Kristen Cavallari: Maybe not the most intellectual choice on the list, Kristen Cavallari is probably the hottest person ever to exist ever. And she’s in Van Wilder 3, my soon to be favorite movie of all-time, if it can somehow surpass The Rise Of Taj. Plus, I’m almost positive she would end up in a closet with Downey Jr or a catfight with Dorothy Parker
Dish Of Choice: One of everything.
John Candy: Everyone has a fat, slovenly blowhard uncle and why shouldn’t this party have its own? I mulled over everyone from John Belushi to Sam Kinison for this coveted middle-aged, lazy everyman spot, but John Candy is definitely the right answer. He’s boisterous without increasing the chance of spontaneous fire.
Dish Of Choice: Five of everything.
Tara Reid: You didn’t think I was going to invite just one blonde party goddess, did you? Tara Reid has partied in some of the most beautiful hot spots in the world in addition to thousands of sketchy homes and drug dens. It’s only natural she’d celebrate Jesus’ birth with this unruly gang of outlaws.
Dish Of Choice: None of everything.
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