There are certain stories everyone has in his or her back pocket for when the moment is right. There’s the lost virginity story, the why I’ll never drink tequila again story, the I ran over an animal story, the amazing high school sports accomplishment story, the I smoked pot for the first time and couldn’t figure out if I was high story. These classics work well enough for most late nights, but every now and again, you find yourself in the presence of a crazy bastard who requires an upping of the ante if you want to compete. Let the record show, as you probably might have guessed, Nic Cage is that extraordinary dude with dozens of outlandish, non-formulaic tales.

Speaking to reporters, according to Reuters, while doing press for his new thriller Trespass, Cage opened up his hippocampus of horrors and unveiled the following why I now live in the Bahamas story…
"It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed. I know it sounds funny, but it was horrifying."

Yes, that does sound funny, but I don’t need any reassurances that it’s more horrifying than humorous. Waking up to a home intruder must be one of life’s worst realizations, but at least with conventional criminals, you can easily ascertain why they’re there. Weirdos raiding your fridge and putting on your clothes can’t possibly be accounted for. Leave it to Nic Cage to handle the whole thing in stride though. Apparently, he just talked to the naked dude for a little while, convinced him to hit the road and phoned the police. The authorities picked up the Fudgesicle enthusiast a short time later, and the actor decided not to press charges since he was obviously mentally unstable. That’s why his family now lives in Nassau.

Keep this absurd story in mind if you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re swapping stories with the Academy Award winner. He’s not going to want to hear about that time you made an amazing Eggs Benedict drunk. It’s going to take the sickest, funniest, most carefully-hidden anecdote in your arsenal to get the sought after double take.

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