Every year brings a mass of celebrity stories. Some are good news – marriages, births, adoptions, real life rescue stories, etc. But this is Celebrity Stink. You’ll rarely find us embracing that kind of news here. Instead we’d rather tell you about who was out drunk without underwear or who is cheating with who. With that in mind, we’ve assembled a list of the Stinkiest Celebrities of 2006. We’ve looked back over the last year and ranked our least favorite celebrities from faintly fragrant to outright stinky. Take a look…
10. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Brangelina just barely scraped onto our list this year. Truly, most of the couple’s “stinky” behavior happened last year as the couple broke up one relationship getting together. This year was the year of baby Brangelina’s birth which the couple tried to take off the radar as much as possible by heading to Namibia, a press free zone. The only other real news to come from the duo is that they want to pull back from how many movies they work on and that they will not become a married couple until gays can… so, under the current administration, never. It’s unusual for such a good looking, famous couple to want to get as far off the celebrity radar as possible, so consider our tenth place an “honorable mention” and an expectation that Brad and Angelina probably won’t be showing up here again any time soon.
9. Rosie O’Donnell
Ah, Rosie, we preferred it when you just shot Koosh products into the audience. Now you’ve moved on to verbally offending just about everyone possible. Is it just me or, since O’Donnell joined “The View,” has everything she said shown up in the media? First she offends co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck (who we still have a massive crush on from her stint on “Survivor.” Next Rosie stabs at Kelly Ripa’s attempts to shush Clai Aiken (something we’d all love to do) by calling her homophobic. Then comes her little “Ching Chong” impersonation of the people of China. Finally, she follows it all up by going two rounds with reality televisions other powerhouse, “The Apprentice”’s Donald Trump who decided to sue after she called him a “snake oil salesman.” Considering she was on less than a dozen episodes in 2006, we can only imagine what smelly behavior is coming down the road for the former queen of daytime talk.
8. Britney Spears
Stink me baby, one more time. Early in 2006 I was trying to give old momma Britney the benefit of the doubt as she made news repeatedly for mishaps and mishandling of her poor newborn child. Let’s be honest – new parents make mistakes and most of them have the benefit of not having cameras on them 24/7. Child seat facing the wrong way? Accidentally dropped the child? No big deal. That kind of stuff happens. Then came the latter half of the year though, as Britney finally separated from her white-trash husband. Despite having two little ones at home, Britney went on a tirade to celebrate her newly found freedom, celebrating with buddies stinkier than she is. Even that wouldn’t have been too bad if she’d worn some damn panties. Instead Spears exposed herself to onlookers everywhere (including the press) not once, but multiple times.
7. Paris Hilton
You might think that Paris deserves a lower spot on a list of stinky celebrities but the more I think about it the more I continue to believe Paris doesn’t deserve to be considered a celebrity. Remember, she’s now in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the most overrated celebrity in the world. Sure, she parties. Sure, she drags others down (like Britney Spears). Sure, she put out an album and starred in National Lampoon’s Pledge This! - one step away from her performance in One Night in Paris. But one of Paris’s biggest press moments this year was her announcement of a vow of celibacy. Disappointing. If it wasn’t for the idea that Paris Hilton was thrown out of a Hilton property and her trifecta of DUIs I don’t even know Hilton would make it on this list at all. Here’s hoping she’ll fade into obscurity soon… at least before our Stinkiest Celebrities of 2007.
6. Tom Cruise
I really wish we could have a year without Cruise. Sadly, 2006 was just as bad as last year. At the beginning of the year we had the birth of the Cruiseling which started with the debate about the birth ceremony (was it forcibly quiet? Did Cruise eat the placenta?) and was followed quickly by the debate as to whether Suri was or was not – a) real, b) legitimately theirs, and c) human (as opposed to one of those Scientology diety aliens). Toward the end Katie and Tom finally tied the knot, an event that brought as much fanfare with the guest list as the exclusion list (among those left out - Cruise close friend Oprah Winfrey). In between the baby and the matrimonial vows Cruise may or may not have shut down an episode of “South Park,” pulled a reel from Thank You For Smoking, got fired from his contract with Paramount and started back up United Artists. Seriously – when does the man sleep? Sadly, with his position with United Artists it’s unlikely we’ll be lacking Cruise news in the future.
5. (tie) Mel Gibson / Michael Richards
This is probably the only time in life you’ll see Mel Gibson and Michael Richards tying for anything but, since they pretty much committed the same offense I see no real reason to separate the two. Mel blamed everything on the Jewish community; Richards went deep-south with his insults. The difference? At least Mel was drunk. Regardless, both Gibson and Richards made some bad comments and have tried to make amends, making just as much of a buzz in the press as they try to rectify their mistakes as they did making them. Gibson will undoubtedly bounce back, although Apocalypto probably wasn’t the best first post-incident release. Richards… well, nothing has worked for him since “Seinfeld.” Perhaps this will at least get him some speaking engagements with the white supremacy crowd.
4. Perez Hilton
Move over Paris, there’s another Hilton in town. Born Mario Lavandeira Jr., Hilton rose to celebrity status this year by outing Lance Bass and Neil Patrick Harris, forcing both actors to come clean about their sexual preferences. Now Perez runs “Hollywood’s Most-Hated Website” as he makes catty comments and attacks upon other celebrities. The year ended with Perez in the news again, not because of another celebrity report but as the subject of a lawsuit for using photos without permission. If Perez stuck solely to his own kind I would probably give him a round of applause but since he makes his attacks on whoever is handy he definitely carries an odor about him. Like his namesake, Perez earns a place here, not so much for his celebrity status, but because of his behavior.
3. Lindsay Lohan
The third of the “three bimbos of the apocalypse” definitely wins a high place on our 2006 countdown. After all, this is a girl who was publicly chastised for her behavior on the set of Georgia Rule by James Robinson, the CEO of Morgan Creek Productions. This is a girl who William H. Macy publicly declared needed an ass kicking. We agree. Her behavior earlier in the year, dropping out of the film Bill because she only wanted to work with big name directors after the good reviews of A Prarie Home Companion was stinky enough. Then came her on-again-off-again friendship with Paris Hilton, her media blitz declaring she is of an age where partying is appropriate and the press needed to cut her some slack, followed by the admission that she is attending AA meetings and had been sober for one whole week (and that she was too young to drink so it really wasn’t anyone’s opinion). Still, Lohan had mixed success with Companion and Just My Luck wasn’t dismal enough to pull her completely out of the picture so her celebrity status remains firmly in place. Now if she can just stay attached to a picture (and out of trouble) long enough to get another film in theaters.
2. O.J. Simpson
We’ve about reached the sleaze of the sleaze. O.J. Simpson had wisely stayed out of the limelight since his 1995 murder trial. Of course, we all know he was busy trying to catch the “real murderer” of his wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ronald Goldman. Mainly his search kept him out of camera view and on golf courses though, so nobody was really bothered by him. For some reason, this year the Juice decided to remind everyone who had forgotten about him that we weren’t absolutely sure of his innocence. His reminder – a book and television special deal based around the concept of Simpson telling people “If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened.” Not only did the idea serve as a statement of admission to many people (although Simpson himself can’t be tried for the case again), it was a flagrant reminder of the many problems that came to light in the trial. Fortunately Fox television finally decided upon something they wouldn’t air and pulled the plug on the project in the eleventh hour. Meanwhile, Goldman’s family is attempting to seize any payment Simpson received for the book. Hopefully they’ll leave him enough to go back to the golf courts and take his stink with him.
1. Kevin Federline
We’ve worked our way through quasi celebrities, racial slanders, and Scientologists and now we’ve hit the absolute slime at the bottom of the celebrity barrel. It doesn’t get much worse than this. Federline is yet another one who barely passes as a celebrity, reaching the status only because of his marriage to our number eight. Unlike Britney, however, Federline really is a skeeze who should know how to treat his children better – he’s had plenty of experience with it after all. After Kevin treated the world to his dismal rap album (which even “Entertainment Weekly” gave an “F” to – and they like everything) he showed his true colors after Britney left his white trash ass. Sure, he wants custody of the kids (and given her behavior he might even have a chance at them) but then he blackmailed his own wife with the threat of releasing a home video of the two having sex. K Fed – we’ve already seen a statue of Britney giving birth on a bear skin rug. The video would only expose more of you, which, frankly, we’ve had more than enough of. This is one stink I truly hope we have smelled the last of on this countdown.
For all of Cinema Blend’s more legitimate (and more interesting) Best of 2006 coverage click here!