In a world where Hollywood actors go on talk shows to destroy furniture, where superstars impregnate their girlfriends and tell them to shut their mouths during the hours of labor, where millions of women behold these antics and watch their carefully constructed fantasies go terribly wrong, one man will crash and burn.

Turns out the ladies are turning their backs on Tom Cruise in droves, says a surprising new report from the 'Chicago Tribune'. Yes, everybody’s favorite Oprah-mauler has lost his sheen. Like that hot stud who always smelled of expensive cologne, but made the ladies gasp at his bad breath when they drew closer, Thomas Cruise has been steadily scaring off millions of women since the day he flashed his eerily manic smile and announced his love…LOVE…deepest LOVE for his bitch, oops soulmate, Katie Holmes.

"He was such a stud; my generation dreamed of marrying him," said Debra Birnbaum, editor in chief of 'Life & Style Weekly', whose readership is 99 percent women. "Now, he's turning women off. I wouldn't put him on (the cover) without Katie, that's for sure."

Think that sounds bad? Try this.

'Us Weekly's editor in chief, Janice Min, said sales of Cruise and Cruise-Holmes covers do "just average among Us' 70 percent female readership...The world is not black and white in the way it's presented in the Tom Cruise universe," Min said. "This sort of infallibility he projects doesn't make him relatable to women, who like to see some human unveiling in their celebrities... Women who are buying Us would like to get swept up in and vicariously experience this glamorous life they think celebrities lead," she said. "There's not a lot of women who want to vicariously experience what's going on" in Tom and Katie's lives."

What a blatant tabloid exaggeration. What woman wouldn’t want to experience having Tom Cruise tell her to shut up and use her indoor voice while she spends hours in labor?

Michelle Lee, executive editor of 'In Touch Weekly', hasn't put Cruise on the cover in 2006, though she is not against it. "Speaking as a woman, I'm completely turned off by him," she said. "But that doesn't mean I don't find him totally intriguing — in a way because of his outrageous behavior. I'll read any story about him, and I loved looking at all those pictures of Katie and her belly — is it real or fake? It's still fascinating.”

A fake pregnancy ?? Say it ain’t so, Tommy. Even Hollywood can take only so much dysfunctional weirdness.

The'Chicago Tribune' article goes on to reveal the following tidbit: Cruise's 'Q Score', a tool used in the entertainment industry that can measure a performer's popularity, has indicated Cruise's popularity has fallen among women in recent months. His negative rating — the percentage of people who said their opinion of him was 'fair' or 'poor' — ranged from 12 to 14 percent. But in 2006, his Q Score generated by Marketing Evaluations Inc. dropped to 19 percent, and his negative rating soared to 31 percent.

Tsk tsk. Guess Tommy really didn't have them at hello.

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