Awww, that poor Jennifer Aniston has finally caught a break, you guys! Young women across the nation can sleep better tonight knowing that everybody’s favorite Friend Jennifer Aniston is ensconced in the hairy arms of everyone’s favorite fake homo Jake Gyllenhaal.Oprah must be so excited! Yippee! Star magazine breathlessly informs us:

"The high-point of Jennifer Aniston's whirlwind New York City visit to promote her film The Break-Up…was a dinner on May 24 at Babbo Ristorante in Manhattan's West Village with long-time hunky crush Jake Gyllenhaal. The dinner came just two days after Aniston and Vaughn both appeared at The Break-Up's Los Angeles premiere — at which they arrived 15 minutes apart, did not pose together for pictures, and maintained an awkwardly-noticeable distance from each other. Aniston — who wore an all-black ensemble, including a black skirt and black sandals — sat across from Gyllenhaal (who sported a scruffy beard and blue long-sleeve shirt), who sat next to McMillan. Aniston chatted the most with Gyllenhaal, but the pair never touched or exhibited any physical romantic overtures. In fact, it was McMillan — who at one point, left the restaurant to smoke a cigarette — who put his arm around Gyllenhaal's shoulders while chatting him up."

At which point, Aniston climbed on the table sobbing loudly about her terrible betrayal, tore off her shirt and bra, called five magazines and every photographer she knew and then proudly showed off her Holocaust survivor tattoo.

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