Captain America: Civil War helped get us excited for all of the Marvel films that are set to come out in the next four years – but Black Panther has certainly piqued our interest more than most.
A new outrageous comedy, COLLEGE is the story of three high school seniors (Drake Bell, Andrew Caldwell and Kevin Covais) who visit a local college campus as prospective freshman anticipating the best weekend of their lives. Once there, the rowdiest fraternity on campus (featuring Nick Zano, Gary Owen and Zach Cregger) decides to recruit the boys as pledges, subjecting them to endless humiliations, in return for granting them access to the no-holds-barred college party scene. But once the boys catch the eye of some of the older sorority girls (Haley Bennett, Camille Mana and Natalie Walker), the threatened Frat-boys increase the pre-frosh humiliation and blackmail them by threatening to expose their age. The boys decide to fight back, retaliating with a major revenge scheme that lands them on top. What began as the weekend-from-hell turns into the BEST. WEEKEND. EVER.
I liked this movie better the first time, when it was called Superbad. Except Superbad was a comedy, and this is not funny. If College makes any money, it’ll be entirely from people who think Andrew Caldwell is Jonah Hill, and want to go find out why he made the total douche move of getting a lame ass earring. Well Andrew Caldwell is not Jonah Hill, he’s “Large kid” from the upcoming movie Drillbit Taylor. He’s unforgettable.
On a less myopic level, haven’t we had enough of these young people hunting for beer and poon movies? How many times can we all watch the same script? They’ve been recycling this same idea since the early 80s. Hasn’t America gotten the message by now? If not, wouldn’t it be easier to simply put it on bumper stickers? I’ll stick one on my beater. Maybe a series of PSA’s are in order? I can picture it now. David Schwimmer sitting on a chair calmly informing the public that young people are horny and into experimentation while old people are lame and don’t know how to use MySpace. Thanks David, I had no idea. Why’d you wait so long to tell us? Eisenhower should have sent out a telegraph.
Screw teenagers, why don’t we get more movies about craggy old men hunting for babes and smoking recreational drugs? Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you wouldn’t rather be banging a supermodel. Old School tried to resurrect the mid-life crisis genre, but instead it devolved back into repeated rehashes of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Where’s Rodney Dangerfield when you need him? Now there’s an old dude who knew how to live the dream. Just imagine him today, amped up on Viagra. Screw College, dig up Rodney Dangerfield and somebody make Retirement.