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Sunday marks the season finale of the 8th installment of The Bachelorette, followed by the hotly anticipated After the Final Rose Ceremony. And by hotly anticipated, I mean tepidly awaited for, because this is quite possibly the most even-keeled season of this wack-a-doo show ever.
WARNING: This article contains absolutely no spoilers and has been compiled in as highly an un-scientific way as possible>
So who will win? Who will get that final rose?
Will it be Jef with one F, he of hipster haircuts and boyish charms? Or will it be Arie, the racecar driver with the mysterious day-to-day schedule whose looks Emily finds so alluring?
Or will it be Chris Harrison, the host who loves introducing nothing more than himself, and is recently single and ready I'm sure to get down on one knee for a short lived proposal? Or will it be Jeff with two Fs from Ashley Hebert's season? You know, the one who wore that mask. Well, surprise, Emily! Because Jeff has been wearing a different mask this season: a Jef with one F mask!
What we do know is that it will probably be either Jef or Arie, because let's not get too ridiculous. Chris Harrison will get his turn some day.
It's clear that Emily likes both of her remaining men. She gets nervous around Jef and didn't trust herself in the fantasy suite with Arie. Personally, my money's on Jef. And it's not just because he can string words into sentences like a champ, unlike one of the other one contestant who will go unnamed.
It's because, while Arie clearly likes (or shall we say loves?!) Emily, he's not exactly a big picture guy. Jef, on the other hand, recognizes that Emily and Ricki are a packaged deal, and that having a kid isn't like having a potted plant. It comes with tremendous responsibility, sacrifice and fairy princess puppet purchases. Jef himself said that he will never be Emily's number one -- that's Ricki's role. Jef gets it, and I think Emily gets that Jef gets it. So what I'm saying is I get that Emily gets that Jef gets it. Got it? Great!
It also doesn't hurt that Jef and Emily already look like they're related. Sure it may be in a mother-son sort of way, but that is neither here nor there.
So best of luck to both of these fine men on an event that took place months ago but will be painfully relived by the loser on Sunday night. And best of luck to those readers who aren't too embarrassed to tell other people that they watch this show and actually have some sort of pool going.
May the best man win, and may he and Emily and Ricki live happily ever after until next week's US Weekly cover.